April Otwell
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Sepsis.. Rapides.. Infection…

5/27/2023

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Well hello guys!
It’s been a while since I’ve felt like posting anything but I’m ready to give everyone an update. I don’t remember a lot of the week so there is going to be a lot of information that does not have a date on it, but I will try to put dates on things that I remember what day they happened on.
Friday April 21st Mallory and I got into a fight and I asked her to leave so I had to call Jessica to finish putting me in bed and getting stuff ready for me to go to sleep. I ended up staying the night in bed by myself that night. It was weird and kind of scary knowing that I was here in bed alone and if something happened I couldn’t just get out of bed by myself. I honestly didn’t have any trouble at all. Everything went smoothly, which is good for my first time ever doing that.
Saturday I got out of bed to go to Donna’s house in Summerville because Jessica was helping Hailey move into the house on her property. I stayed outside all day, enjoying the sunshine and being with everyone. It really sucks to be stuck in the bed with the wounds while it’s pretty outside. I ended up getting really sunburnt but I’d gladly do it again. When I got home I got back in bed and wasn’t feeling good. Jessica took my blood pressure and it kept hovering around 79/35 with a heartbeat of 118. For me, I didn’t think anything about it because my normal is 80/60 and I didn’t feel like there was anything wrong. Jessica kept texting her mom who’s a nurse that works in the ER, and she said that we needed to bring me to the hospital because the low blood pressure with a high heart rate is a sign of sepsis. Jessica told her it was going to be her ER.
A couple of hours later, my blood pressure still kept hovering around the same level so we got me back up in the chair and headed to Rapides Regional Hospital in Alexandria where Donna was waiting for us. By 2 AM I was admitted for sepsis. The new small wound that developed had turned black around the edges and gotten bigger because of an abscess that had developed under the skin. I’m assuming that the rough terrain of Hailey’s yard must have popped the abscess and the infection was turning me septic fast. We caught it early. This makes four times that I’ve had sepsis now and the first three times nearly killed me.
Sunday night I had a bit of a scare. I am still in the ER room because there’s no beds upstairs, Jessica and my dad are the two in the room when my right IV starts pouring blood randomly. Jessica hits the nurse call button while my dad goes to the nurses station for help. No one comes to help so naturally Jessica just pulls off the dressing and takes out the IV. It took the nurses at least twenty minutes to get in the room, plenty of time for me to have substantial blood loss or possibly bleed to death.
After several test, it was found that part of my pelvic bone has become infected. The only way to treat bone infection is through IV antibiotics. This would mean that I would have to be placed into a long term care facility where they could watch the infection levels. I pretty much asked the question about why I couldn’t be put on the antibiotics at home. At first they wanted to put me in the hospital for 30 days to get my IV antibiotics but I told them I would do anything they needed me to do at home.
Saturday April 29, 2023, the doctor that puts in a central line in patient’s came to get me around 2. The room wasn’t as cold as I was expecting it to be but then again I’ve gotten more tolerant of the cold. I waited for what seemed like forever laying there on the operating table. They ended up having to put a drape over my face while we waited on the doctor to get in the room. I don’t remember a whole lot of than country music playing in the background. I wasn’t even in my room and awake good when the nurse came in saying that we could go home. So that’s exactly what we did, went home.
My IV antibiotics get administered to me through a syringe once a day over the course of 10 minutes. I thankfully do not have to stay continuously hooked up to an IV pole. My six weeks of antibiotics will be up on June 7 of 2023.
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Feelings…

3/16/2023

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This one is something that is difficult for me to write. I have not been in the mood to write a whole blog to you guys. I don’t understand fully about what’s going on with me but writing helps me share how I’m feeling. Usually, I try to put on my strong face for everyone but today I’m going to share some of my raw and true feelings. If you can’t handle them or don’t like them… fuck you at this point.


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Struggling physically,
Struggling mentally, and
Struggling spiritually.
There’s too much going on
So many emotions
Too much to process at once…
I just need a break
Time to reverse and let me repeat
My past mistakes
But a sabbatical is not possible
No fun vacation insight
I’m trapped here inside this prison…
Without much delight
I just get to watch as everyone gets to do the things I crave so bad
Walk, run, or even sit down correctly
Hold their lovers hand…
Do normal everyday things
And I’m here on the sidelines
Watching…
Longing for what they have and don’t realize
Crying inside because I can’t anymore
I put on a smile for everyone to see but
Can no one see that it’s killing me?
I worked my ass off for what independence I did have
Now that very independence has been taken from me
I feel so isolated but this is a battle I must face alone
No one can help me
There’s no saving grace
Just me and Jesus Christ
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All In My Neck...

3/2/2023

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On February 21, 2023, I traveled to Baton Rouge to have a nerve conduction study performed yet again, to see if whatever is going on with my hands is in my elbows or my shoulders.
The day started very early, at 4 o’clock. I was just up watching television and playing on my phone when Jessica text me that she was already on her way. When I looked at the clock it was only 5:45 AM; Mallory wasn’t even awake yet. We hadn’t planned on getting up until around seven because my doctor's appointment was not until 3:45 that afternoon. Jessica went ahead, got me dressed, and up in my chair.
It took us a good hour to get everything done and we still hadn’t woken up Mallory. It was about 7 o’clock and time for her to come into my room so we decided to play dirty. I got in my closet while Jessica put everything back together in the bedroom and we hid. It took a few minutes, but she finally came into the bedroom. Patsy Cline had already found us in the bathroom of course so we were waiting. For a minute, she almost freaked out until she found us in the bathroom. We scared her and scared her good. It was a much-needed laugh.
We headed out for Baton Rouge around 9 AM. We left early to be able to do a few things we wanted to do before the doctor's office. It was a long three-hour drive but we got to Baton Rouge around noon. The first thing we wanted to do was to visit the Old State Capital building. It was beautiful! I have lived in Louisiana, just about my entire life, and I have never visited the museum. We first walked around the grounds looking at all the pretty flowers, Mallory tried to catch a duck to bring home, and just spend some time in the pretty sunshine out of the van. We had to go put all of our bags back in the vehicle before we were allowed to go inside the museum. When you first go in, you have to go through a metal detector and of course, with me, that’s not exactly possible. So they had to look over everything to make sure I wasn’t trying to bring in a weapon And they sent us on our way. There was not anyone in the museum but us and the security guards around the building. Of course us being who we are, you could hear us laughing down the hallway as it echoed throughout the marble building. We decided to go up to the tower, I told Mallory I was not going on the observation deck because the small little elevator to get there did not seem very safe to me. It was tiny, making odd noises as Mallory wrote it up, and I just didn’t want to get on it with my weight. There was even a sign on the elevator saying only two adults at a time on the elevator. My chair weighs more than two adults together, so I was not taking that risk. I waited at the end of the hall by the second set of elevators until Mallory came back down, we were laughing and cutting up about being so high up off the ground. I’m sure the security guards watching us on the cameras were having a ball laughing with us. It was kind of odd to be there by ourselves so we didn’t travel all the floors. We stayed on the first floor besides going to the tower. We were not in the building very long.
Next, we went to Five Below. We spent a good amount of time in the store. It’s pretty large. They did have a few cool things though. When we got out of there, I wanted to go to a Petco and just so happens that there was one three doors down from the Five Below. There was also a Ross between them but we didn’t have time to go in there; we would have missed my appointment because it’s so large. This Petco was larger than the one in Alexandria but it just didn’t have anything I was looking for. They did have some beautiful koi in the tanks and they were all so tiny. That tells you the difference in how fast the koi can go in Baton Rouge versus Alexandria. The fish have longer to get bigger. If I had thought about being able to bring one of the Koi fish home, I would have. It wasn’t later that I got told it would’ve been possible, despite being three hours away as long as I were to give them oxygenated water.
It was almost time for my nerve conduction study so we decided to go ahead and make our way over to the doctor's office. We didn’t have to wait in the waiting room very long before they called my name. After all, my appointment was at 3:45 so there was hardly anyone there. They took me back to a small room with the equipment to perform the test and got me ready. They asked me what was going on and why I was there so I explain the whole situation. My pinky started going numb on my right hand over two years ago, all of my nerve studies show that it was in my elbows, but no one has worked on my elbows. This nerve conduction study was performed by someone with more specialty in the upper limbs. After performing all of the tests, I was told that I have sensory nerves in my arms that are working, but I have absolutely zero motor nerves. This means that I have feeling, but I have no movement. This led the doctor to believe that there is nothing wrong with my elbows, and that the problem with my hands is in fact all in my neck. He saw some deterioration in some of my upper limb extremity Muscles such as the biceps on my right side; this means that they are going to get worse. Of course, he could not give me many answers because he was not a surgeon so he said he would leave the options up to a surgeon. He did not say having another surgery helping my hands. He also looked at the muscle wasting going on in my hands and told me that most of the time when muscles have wasted away as badly as mine has there is no getting them back because there’s no muscle left.
Of course, this was not something I wanted to hear. I want so badly to be able to get the function that I had back but from everything, the doctors are telling me I am most likely not going to get them back. I am going to have to learn how to deal with them the way they are. I don’t remember what it was like before my accident where I had my entire body. I’m assuming the medicine that they gave me during my initial spinal fusion made me not remember, that’s why I never complained about being injured. I can remember what it was like being able to use my hands like I was able to, and now that I’m not able to do those things by myself anymore I feel like I’m struggling. No one truly understands what it’s like to be able to gain just a small piece of your independence back and then within two years have it ripped away from you again. No one will ever truly understand. I want so badly to be independent…
When we got out of the doctor's office, we both we hungry. We hadn’t stopped the entire day to get food. We both wanted something good and not fast food so we decided on Roux 61. We had to wait for about ten more minutes to get a table because they were so busy. Once we were seated and got settled in at the table Mallory decided to get a glass of wine. The waitress misunderstood what type of wine she wanted and ended up bringing her a glass of white wine instead of red. She already knew that she was not a big fan of white wine, but did not feel like trying to get the waitress to correct the order so she ended up just drinking it. She did not like it whatsoever. I ended up getting the steak bites with a side of a Caesar salad, and Mallory ended up getting the buffalo wings with a side order of french fries. It was all very good. Overall, it only took us about an hour in the restaurant, which is surprising, considering how busy Baton Rouge can be especially after five.
Finally, it was finally time to get the hell out of Baton Rouge and go home. We had a long drive ahead of us… 3 hours. We didn’t get home until about eleven that night and we were exhausted. We took a second and then we fed the sugar gliders and put me in bed. It wasn’t until midnight that I finally got to go to sleep.
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Dear spinal cord injury...

2/28/2023

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Dear Spinal Cord Injury,
Hey, it’s me again.. It’s been quite some time since I wrote to you last… four years to be exact. I thought we had come to an understanding last time, but then again did I really expect you to behave?
Anyway…
So let’s catch up a bit.. what’s been going on? Today marks a big milestone together. Today you and I have known each other for 14 years, meaning we’ve been together half of my life now.
You’re still a bossy condition, that hasn’t changed, in fact you’ve gotten even worse over the years. Now, I can no longer control your tantrums, and they are even longer and more frequent these days.
The doctor tells me that you’re getting worse now, that time does that as it passes. I can’t believe it, just when I think you can’t throw anymore surprises, you seem to throw the biggest surprise of them all…
There’s no words to describe the feelings that overwhelm me today. Sadness, anger, grief. This is one of the first years that I can say that I have regressed and not shown any progress. My body is starting to deteriorate on me at a faster rate.
It scares me, you see.
Braces, cuffs, and other grip aids now all fill a drawer, each with its unique purpose; to give me a small taste of independence again. How much longer will things continue to be this way?
You have taken a lot in the last four years since we last got to chat but then again you don’t need to be reminded do you?
It’s been hard loosing something that you have worked your ass off to regain. I tell myself all the time, “I can’t do this the rest of my life..” but the truth is painful, I have no other choice…
I don’t remember what it was like before my accident, those memories have been burned away from my memory years ago. I only know that I can remember what it was like to have what I had back up my hands… That is the torture.
You played a hand in the destruction of my marriage, we won’t lie and try to say that you didn’t. I won’t lie by saying that may have been a good thing overall. I deserve someone better than what I had… so maybe thank you for that?
I’m struggling right now, mentally and physically but I know that I will be okay in time.
After all, phoenixes must go down in flames to be able to rise from the ash.
So as I end my letter to you on our half life anniversary, I just want to say you can throw at me what you want to. I will always rise above. We are in this together bitch…
Sincerely,
April Otwell
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Two week whirlwind..

2/13/2023

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Hey guys,
The last two weeks started really slow but have turned into a wild ride.

Monday, January 30th, was really kind of boring if you want me to be honest with you guys. I stayed in bed all weekend and even all day Monday. I woke up around seven and just turned on the tv. I had been watching Jane, The Virgin for the fifth time and ended up finishing it later that night. I typically don’t even watch what’s playing on the television because I’m too busy doing something else on my phone. I can’t just get up and do something so I find things I can do, mostly on my phone or tablet. I’m really warning to get back into doing my graphic design stuff on my computer. I’m just figuring out if my computer is going to be able to handle my graphic programs because it is almost 10 years old. I’m still using my MacBook Air, which my mother had, which is almost 10 years old. Of course, I made a list of things I needed to do and get done. I’m not one to be able just to sit down and watch something. Later in the afternoon, we got Snurble and Tristan out in a bonding pouch so we could work on taming and socializing them. It was just cute watching Malloy get giddy by all of the noises that they made.

Wednesday, February 1st was a very interesting day if I do say so myself. It is also when the whirlwind started happening. The first half of the day was pretty boring with me staying in bed all day. It was about eight in the afternoon when Jessica came by just to let Brantyn and the girls see me for a few minutes when there was a heavy knocking at my back door. Mallory was already laying down because she didn’t feel good. Jessa went to see who it was and comes back that it was the police. They are here wanting to talk to Mallory. Someone had called in that she needed a wellness check. She didn’t want to speak to the police and went back to her bedroom. After like forty-five minutes of back and forth between the police and Mallory, I see Mallory making a run for it through my house and a cop chasing her out my front door. I’m in the bed in my bedroom so I’m stuck but from the outside of my house, I could hear her screaming. The ambulance took her to the hospital for a mandatory 72-hour hold on her. In between, Jessica took the kids home but I ended up calling her back not even ten minutes later to come back. Once Mallory was in the ambulance the police came back in and asked if I needed someone to stay with me until Jessica got here and I told them no that she was on her way. This was my first experience with this type of situation and I have to say that I am not a fan. I hope this never happens again. I’m already wary of cops from other past experiences. Jessica came back without the kids at like 11 and we ended up getting me in my chair. We didn’t really know what else to do. While we waited until we heard something we decided to clean up a little bit and feed the sugar gliders. We ended up staying up all night.

Thursday, February 2nd, we ended up sleeping just about all day since we stayed up waiting to hear anything from Mallory. It was just about time to get the kids from school by the time we got up.

Friday, February 3rd, I had wound care so immediately after Jessica got the kids we had to get me dressed and ready to go to Alexandria. On our way out of Jena, we swung through Amy’s to grab her so she could go with us. We made a plan of the places we needed to go while on the way to Rapids so we’d have a good game plan. As we came into Ball we stopped by the Tiger Vape store to grab a vape. The wound care clinic was just about empty this week so it didn’t take but maybe thirty minutes to get to the back. As usual, they got me ready and set up for the doctor. I do believe that the measurements were just about the same; 7.5 cm deep in the tunnel but 1.4 cm deep going straight in. We made sure to tell them that we needed more honey since they were only seeing me every two weeks. We discussed my insurance being dropped and he said he’d let the surgeon know and now I just have to go 30 days nicotine free. I don’t have a for sure answer yet but I’m getting closer. I’m already going to be in the hospital 6 weeks during spring which is just great. I was wanting to have it done before it gets warm but that’s not gonna happen. When we left there we went straight to Golden Corral to get some food before we did the rest of the errands that I needed to do before we went home. I love their cheddar broccoli soup so that’s the main thing that I had but I tried some of the bourbon chicken that was really good. Once we got our belly full we headed to Petco. I needed to get some goldfish food and koi pond sticks. They had some really pretty koi in the big aquarium but until I can build everyone a big pond. When we made it home Hailey, Mia, Kelly, Addison, and Shepherd came over and we cooked some tater tot casserole for dinner. It’s been nice hearing my house full of people again if you want me to be honest. Everyone had a really good time and got our bellies full!

Saturday, February 4th, started off really interesting if I do say so myself. Little Mike calls Jessica’s phone but when she doesn’t answer he calls me. He apparently has a ferret out of Jessica’s four. He was outside climbing up a tree when he was found. Somehow the little turkey got out of his cage and made it outside. He caught him and then went to check on everyone else and everyone was out of the cage. Ferrets can open their own cage door. We all were like what in the world? At least Little Mike saw him when he did otherwise the ferret would be gone more than likely. The rest of the day was pretty laid back beside me running around with Jessica. Towards the evening, we all went to Papa’s to fry deer meat in Pam’s kitchen. I have to say that it was very odd cooking in her kitchen without her there. I always told her that she could fry a cat turd and make it taste good. This was the first time that it’s been cooked in with us there since she passed away. I got to watch Jessica and Papa work as a team to fry deer meat and cook biscuits. So many round memories have happened in this kitchen and in this house.

On Monday, February 6th, I got up around 5 AM. The kids didn’t have to be at school until seven. It was interesting to get to see how everybody acts now getting up for school. It’s been quite some time since I’ve been there while they were getting ready for school. When Jessica got back from taking the kids to school I got a bath for the first time since Tanner left in my tub. It was absolutely amazing. I soaked so long that all of my dead skin just wiped off. I didn’t even get cold after getting out which surprised me a lot. I can tell it will take a few baths to make me feel clean but I definitely feel cleaner after just one bath. When I got out Amy came and smoked with us and we made plans to meet in town at the nail salon a little later that day. Jessica and I clean the house after she left just trying to get everything packed back up from having the kids. we went to Chrissy's nails here in Jena and I got my eyelashes done for the first time and I have to say that I love them. It brings out my eyes and makes me look like I have makeup on. The price really wasn’t bad either. It was only $50 a set but I ordered some stuff off Amazon so Jessica could do mine again but herself. We went to Donna’s house so Jess could clean out her freezers and rearrange them. I got to sit outside in the sunshine and just enjoy being with everyone again. Donna ended up giving me nine pounds of deer sausage. I did try to explore the yard with Jessica but it was so wet that I kept getting stuck. I even hit one big hole that almost made me flip my chair. We ended up going by sonic to get me a Junior cheeseburger and a couple of cheese sticks before coming home. Jessica had to go get the kids from the schoolhouse and then home to be able to pack some more clean clothes and stuff so she could come back and stay the night with me. Kelly and Amy ended up coming back over and we had a very good time just laughing and joking in the kitchen. It was very nice to have my house filled with people again if I do say so myself. It was around 9 o’clock that night before I got in bed and I passed out tired.

Tuesday, February 7th started really early for me, I ended up waking up at 3 AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. At 6:30. It was time to get the kids up and ready for school. Everybody was a little grumpy that morning. Jessica took the kids to school before coming back and getting me in my chair. Amy asked us to take her to a dentist appointment in Alexandria that morning. I played with my makeup just to see what it would look like with my new eyelashes. It wasn’t perfect but it did pop my makeup too. Amy met us at my house around 9 and we headed out to her dentist appointment in Alexandria. we had to stop by Kelly‘s for a minute to give her her vape that she left at my house the night before heading out to Alexandria. While Amy went to the dentist appointment, Jessica and I stayed outside in the vehicle. I made a couple of phone calls that I was needing to make while we waited. It took her about an hour in the dentist's office. Once we left, we agreed on the Chinese restaurant to eat at, then came home. It’s been quite a minute since I’ve had a Chinese buffet so I was trying to explore different dishes to be able to find some type of Chinese food that I like. I normally just go for the bourbon chicken or bbq chicken because I don’t know anything else that I like. It was almost time for the kids to get out of school by the time we got home, so Amy went home and Jessica went to get the kids. Kelly came over to smoke while waiting for Addison’s medicine to get filled at Walmart. She has bronchitis and something else but it’s not contagious. Jessica had already made plans with Derek to go to Alexandria for Brantyn‘s birthday. I didn’t want to go so I stayed home by myself and did a few things as far as personal care and even wipe down a bunch of the dust that was collecting on some of the stuff around my house. They didn’t get home until around 11.

Wednesday, February 8th started just lovely. None of the kids wanted to get up for school because they got home so late the night before. Jessica didn’t want to get up either, to be honest, so she decided to let them all stay home from school that day. Charming came hoping through the living room just about the time that Jessica had just laid down. All I could think about was Patsy trying to eat him if he made it to my room which was right where he was heading. Jessica threw a big blanket over him to catch him and put him back in his cage. His cage mate Nova was still tucked away in the pouch so thankfully he was the only one out. Whenever body was awake and finally moving Jessica went to Trout to do a few things and then to Walmart. Kelly came by after everyone was back at my house to discuss all of the food that would be needed for the skating rink the next day. We ended up cooking pork chops and rice for dinner. It was so good if I do say so myself. It was around 9 o’clock before I got in bed again. My wound looked the same and was still the same depth.

When I woke up on Thursday, February 9 Jessica was still awake from a headache just about all night. I could already tell it was going to be a lovely day especially since we had the skating rink party that afternoon. Once all the kids were at school, Jessica climbed back in bed to try to catch a nap for a minute before Hailey and Mila came over. We relaxed in bed until 1 o’clock that afternoon when we finally got me in my chair. It wasn’t too long after getting me in my chair that Jessica had to go get the kids from the car line and come back to my house. During that time we made sugar cookies, cut fruit made sandwiches, and made Velveeta dip for the skating rink party. We headed to the skating rink at 5:30-7:30 for Amy's birthday. Everyone had so much fun. It was nice getting to see everyone and to watch them skate around. It was honestly kind of crazy to see how big all of the kids were skating around on their own pretty much. It was the last couple of rounds around the rink before we had to go when Kelly fell on her ankle. She could tell that she had heard it before she even got to the benches. She tried to put a sock on it and it hurt too bad so they ended up taking her to the emergency room. Come to find out Kelly broke her ankle in two places. Amy and pumpkin brought the kids to my house so that Kelly’s vehicle made its way to my house and we could not fit all the kids in the van too after loading up the ice chest and everything else from the party.

Friday, February the 10th started around 6 o’clock that morning. I even woke up a little later than I normally do, which was kind of odd but expected after the drama from the night before. It was around 630 when we got all the kids up and ready for school. Heather came by the house for a few minutes to blow a little time before she had to go to town to sign some paperwork just as we are doing wound care and getting me ready to get in my chair. The depth of my wound is still about 7 1/2 cm. We had to pick up crawfish for Amy around noon so I went to pick her up around 10 or 11 o’clock. We stopped by Airport Grocery to get gas and some fish for lunch. The fish was fresh and so good. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve gotten fish from there but in my opinion, they have the best. It’s always so crunchy and crispy. That’s how I like my fried fish not all meaty with no crunch. Mallory’s counselor called while we are sitting at the crawfish place, Tom’s Seafood Market, asking a bunch of questions and if it was okay for her to return to my house. She asked the questions so fast that I was overwhelmed and answered all of them that I could remember. We went to Walmart in Kingsville to let Amy get anything that she needed for the crawfish boil. I asked to stop through the clothes before we left just so I could see if there was anything I liked. Since losing so much weight I don’t have a whole lot of clothes that fit me. Most of all my clothes are way too big for me. I found three new pairs of pants that I like but didn’t find any shirts. I got two pairs of leggings and a pair of jogging pants. I’m honestly excited to wear them. On our way out of Ball, we stopped by the vape shop so that Jessica could get a vape before heading back towards Jena. We came to Jena Walmart for stuff we couldn’t find in the other Walmart. Jessica and I stayed in the vehicle while Amy went inside. Walmart had everything that was needed except for corn so we went to Mac’s for corn on the cob before we dropped Amy and all the groceries off at her house. We were put in charge of the shrimp so we stopped by a local truck to get the shrimp and took them back to Amy. Jessica and I went to get the kids from the pickup line together before taking me back home so that she could go to her mom’s to get some reusable crawfish trays. Hailey brought me to the Twisted Feather for an alcoholic beverage before going on to the crawfish boil. She was supposed to stay the night so that Jessica could go home to pack and just sleep in her own bed. Everyone stayed inside the house most of the night even though I couldn’t get in the house so I was outside by myself most of the time. Hailey and I came home around eight. She was trying to lay Mia down and Patsy was outside. She would not stop barking. Hailey decided to start yelling and cussing at Mia because she wouldn’t lie down, Brantyn for trying to help and Patsy for barking. I’m ignoring her trying to just get ready for Jessica to come put me in bed. This continues for five minutes and Hailey gets up and throws my door open and starts going after Patsy while still yelling and cussing. I wasn’t about to stand for it. Patsy’s already skittish and hard to catch. I open my door and told her if this is how the weekend was going to go she could pack her shit and leave and I would stay by myself.
So I kicked her out and stayed by myself for the first time in two and a half years. I was honestly really scared to do it by myself because I know if I have problems it could mean something bad could happen. I also know that I was able to stay by myself before Tanner and I got together so I can do this alone again. I would just have to figure out how to do the things that I needed myself. Jessica ended up taking Kelly and shepherd to Rapides because he was having a little trouble breathing, and was coughing a whole lot. We honestly figured he had bronchitis from Addison so it was better to be safe than sorry. They ended up admitting him to keep him for observation. He has three different types of viruses he is fighting. I stayed up until probably 2 AM just trying to get used to my house by myself. It took me till almost 11 o’clock that night to be able to get Patsy back inside anyway. I did everything I could to keep myself busy so I didn’t have time to think about being here by myself or anything else that I have going on in my brain.

Saturday, February 11, 2023, will forever be one day that I will remember. It’s the first morning that I woke up in my house alone since before Tanner lived with me almost 3 years ago. It was a very odd feeling. If I’m being honest, it was kind of lonely to wake up by myself. I have enjoyed my time alone. I ended up waking up at 5 AM and couldn’t go back to sleep until after Jessica came by. She came by the house to give me a catheter, refill my water, and do anything else that I needed before she left to go to Texas with Amy. When she left, I ended up going back to sleep from about noon until three. I needed to catch up on my sleep schedule anyway. My body is not used to running around with Jessica anymore like I have been, especially while trying to heal a wound but honestly, it’s been very good for me and my mental health. I haven’t had time to really think about a lot. When I woke up I got into a cleaning mood and went straight for my kitchen. I put up the clean dishes, put away some odd and end stuff that got left, and put toys away that the kitchen somehow left in my kitchen. Next, I went ahead and washed the sugar gliders food dishes so that would be done by the time my dad came to help me. It wasn’t very long after I got them washed that he showed up. He brought me a hamburger, fries, and Dr. Pepper from McDonald’s for supper. He sat down while I ate and we had a good conversation. After I got done eating, I taught him how to feed the sugar gliders and we took them their food. At least the food dishes aren’t as complicated as they used to be because there are not as many sugar gliders as there used to be. When we got back to the kitchen, I had to show him how to put a catheter together and put a catheter in for me. I have to say that was kind of interesting. It’s not hard, but my dad has never had to do it for me so I had to show him. He said good night and went home, agreeing to come by in the morning to check on me. It was around ten o’clock before I could go to sleep. I couldn’t get Patsy, Mallory’s dog, to come inside for the night and I just couldn’t sleep. I did everything I could to go to sleep.

Sunday, February 12th, I woke up around five again on Sunday, February twelfth, this time knowing that Jessica was in Texas and I was alone. My house has been quiet, different than I’m used to. My dad was coming to Walmart to do some shopping before going back home for the day so he came back out to my house to check on me. By the time he got here around eight, I was already in the kitchen cleaning up some. Since I had already done some of the work the night before, my main goal was to wipe off the island. I had asked him to grab me a Red Bull on his way and he ended up bringing me a four-pack from Walmart which means I’m good for at least three more days. I drink one a day like coffee. I got him to peel me some mandarins for breakfast and help me put a new catheter in since the one from the night before was full and I took it out before he arrived. While he was here we talked about all types of things. Jessica called to check on me while they were on the road, saying it would be around one before they came home. Jessica didn’t make it home until around five or six. By this point, I had already done a lot so I was trying to just stay off my wound. Jessica put me in the bed, fed me some Popeyes chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese, and then fed the sugar gliders. She told me good night and to call if I needed her during the night. Then I was home alone again.
I concluded that I am going to have to do this for the rest of my life worrying about someone being here while I’m in bed or if someone comes to put me in bed so I need to learn how to be alone during the night when I can. I ended up going to sleep pretty early just because I was alone and I was kind of scared to be here in bed all alone. I’m writing this at 6 AM the night after spending the night alone and I've done well. I didn’t have a single problem last night. Oddly, I know there isn’t anyone else here. I do know that Jessica will be back by as soon as she drops the kids off at school.

Until next week guys!
-April
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One-Fourth of My Life…

1/30/2023

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Hey guys,
The last couple of weeks has been extremely emotional for multiple reasons. The week of January 16th is always an electrically charged week for me. This year was a pretty big milestone, at least to me it’s a big milestone. It was the seventh anniversary of my mom’s suicide. Since I’m going to be twenty-eight this year that means that I have spent 1/4th of my life without my mom. It’s kind of crazy to even think about. I miss her so much every single day. I know she would be proud of me no matter what my brain tries to tell me otherwise.

Monday, January 16th, I ended up going to her grave and sitting there for a while. I’m not going to lie I don’t go and visit my mother’s grave as often as I should, but I don’t find peace there a lot. I know that she is not there that is only a place for her body to rest, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I am currently making her a headstone which is going to be a wooden cross with her name on it. I have it almost all the way finished. I just need to finish up the paint and touch up some details before it will be ready to go. I came home from the graveyard and ended up getting back in bed.

Wednesday the 18th, I had to go to Baton Rouge for the neurosurgeon’s doctor's appointment. All they were wanting was another myelogram, which is a set of images looking at the details of my spinal cord. The 3-hour drive started around 4 o’clock that morning. The ride didn’t seem as long as usual on the way there but then coming home it seemed to take forever. The test wasn’t scheduled until 10:30 that morning but I had to be there at 8:30. Once we got there, check-in took a good forty-five minutes to get through and get me in the back. Everyone was super friendly and knew a lot about my issues with my injury. One nurse stayed with me through the entire process which made it more comfortable for me. They put me on the table on my belly, I had to be on my belly for the entire test. I had done well up until it was time to lay me flat on my stomach and tilt the table where my feet were above my head. I started to get really sweaty, lightheaded, and just overall not feeling very well. The nurse told everyone that the test had to start and I had to get off of my stomach. There were only two more images that were needed so they decided just to forget about those two images since I was having such a hard time. They took me to the recovery room. I was given a Dr. Pepper for the caffeine and some graham crackers because I had not eaten anything all day, and the nurse could tell that I was extremely shaky The doctor had already forewarned me that caffeine would be my best friend during the day, because of the headache that was going to come with doing the test. After the test, I was not allowed to lay flat or at a 90° angle because they needed the contrast to not go and cover my brain.

Sunday, January 21 I got the text message that I had been dreading for the past few weeks. My Aunt Pam had passed away. She is my momma’s brother’s wife. She has been a very big part of my life even before my mom passed away but especially since then. In a lot of ways, she has been like a grandmother figure to me my entire life. Honestly, that’s just the type of person that she was in general to anyone she knew. She was a very Godly woman and I do not doubt that she entered the gates of heaven. My mom got to see one of her favorite people again. It may have been a sad day for me, but it was a glorious day in Heaven.

Tuesday, January 24, the afternoon was the visitation for Pam. I got in my chair earlier that day and did a few things around the house before we had to go. I saw a bunch of the family that I had not seen in quite a long time. We told stories about Pam and celebrated her life while we ate dinner. It was about eight or so by the time we got home and still had to do wound care. Needless to say, it was a late night.

Wednesday, January 25 I had a funeral for Pam. The morning started rough, not gonna lie. I don’t feel comfortable when getting put in my chair and the fact that clothes are not fitting or looking like I want them to. I need to work on my self-esteem. The funeral was at 10 o’clock so we had to get up kind of early to be able to get me up and dressed and do something with my hair. I sat on the second row. It was honestly nice to see all of my family it’s not very often that we see each other anymore. I couldn’t bring myself to go to the casket. I haven’t been able to bring myself to go up to any other casket since my mother's funeral. That is just not the last memory I want of the person, especially after the meltdown I had with my mom. When the funeral was over, I followed everyone to the graveside, but because it was raining, I didn’t get out. We all met back up at the church to have a fellowship and eat lunch together. There was so much food that it was kind of hard to choose what I wanted to eat. I already know that my belly will not hold much so if I got a whole lot, they would be a whole lot wasted. We visited with a lot of the family before we headed home and I got back in bed.

Thursday, January 26 daddy came to install the new detectors. I was in my chair before he got there. He even got one for the kitchen because there was not one in the kitchen at all. In all honesty that doesn’t make any sense to me because that’s where fires begin most often. I do understand that every time the kitchen gets smokey the detector in the kitchen would go off but I think it’s important. While my dad was here we told him about the check engine light and the trac off light came on in the van at the same time. We had previously gotten the oil changed and the tires checked and they saw the codes. He cleared the codes but it wasn’t very far down the road that they both came on again. He did something with the battery to reset everything. If it happens again I’m going to take it to the auto mechanic shop. I already have one in mind that would serve multiple purposes. ​

Friday, January 27th, I had to go back to Baton Rouge to see the doctor about my hands and elbow. The appointment was originally at 4 PM but thankfully they rescheduled it for earlier that day. We had to leave by seven that morning so we could still get there on time. The morning didn’t start well because I feel like I can’t get sit in the chair right and my clothes not getting put on correctly so I felt like I look horrible. The three-hour drive went by fairly fast to me and we got there by 10:30. We were stressing because we knew that we were going to be late and when we called them they said that there were only fifteen minutes after the appointment grace period to get there. Mallory and I both said that we were going to show our butts if we got there and they wouldn’t see me because we were late. Once we got into the parking garage. It took like five minutes for the elevator to go a few floors and pick us up. Of course, we went to the first building and it was the wrong one so we had to end up going around to the other building. We got signed in and only had to wait probably 15 minutes before they called my name, that’s where this visit started going haywire. We ended up spending three hours in the back waiting for the doctor to see us and for them to be able to find the correct paperwork. The first time one of the doctor's colleagues come in and said that they were needing more imaging. When the doctor finally come in, he sat down in the chair and explained what he thought was going on. He explained it to me as this is just a part of my spinal cord injury; they get worse over time. In his opinion, even my previous nerve studies do not show there’s not anything majorly wrong with my elbows or my wrist. The reason my hands stop working is just my spinal cord injury getting worse. He understood that after my last spinal fusion, I lost all hand movement and he did say that the other fusion could have messed with something. The new myelogram did show that some are tightening around my T1 which is located right under the C6 and C7 vertebrae. I had my C6 and C7 vertebrae fused in September 2021. Those were fused to my original fusion of C3, C4, and C5. Dr. Bowie of the NeuroMedical Center of Baton Rouge could go in and fuse the T1 and T2 vertebrae to my already fused C3-C7 and decompress the T1. He says there’s a 50/50 chance that this fusion will help anything but in his medical opinion he doesn’t see it helping. I told him about the pain and how my thumb literally feels like it’s going to fall off; including the muscle wasting in my right hand. He’s going to run another nerve study in my upper extremities with his special test there at the spine institute and see what it shows to make sure that there’s not anything going on in my hand. The only other thing he could do for me referred me to a neurologist at the same clinic that specializes in neuropathy. He’s calling everything more or less neuropathy now. So before we left his office I made an appointment to get my new nerve study done on February 10th in Baton Rouge and an appointment with the neuropathy doctor in March.
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Just waiting…

1/16/2023

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Hey guys, another week has come and gone…
Monday was a lazy day around the house. I didn’t sleep well so I was up early watching Netflix again. I have to say I’m sick of watching the television. I feel like there’s nothing to watch that I haven’t already seen. I’ve been doing pretty well with the no nicotine but I’ve slipped and had a few pulls of my vape. I’m trying to do better, I have to remember the end goal is getting this surgery so I can get healed. Around seven thirty that morning Jessica called and told me everything she had planned and when she was going to get to coming over for wound care. She said that she wasn’t going to be long and was bringing company with her. I told her okay and that I would stay in the bed until she done wound care and then I wanted to get in my chair.
It wasn’t about thirty minutes after getting off the phone, Jessica pulled up into the driveway. She brought in baby Shepherd in his car seat and said Kelly and Amy were on their way. We decided to go ahead and do wound care hoping it wouldn’t take long and we could possibly get it done. We didn’t make it through my wound care before everybody showed up. We finished up doing the packing of the wound and then put me in the chair.
Thursday I wanted to get in my chair because I was sick of doing nothing in the bed. So we got me up. It was a beautiful and warm day outside despite the weather saying it was supposed to rain all day. I wanted to get a few things done outside while it was still nice outside too. There wasn’t anywhere that I was needed so we stayed home all day. The first thing I worked on was stuff for the sugar gliders. I tried introducing two together, it didn’t just end in failure but it definitely wasn’t a success either. I’m trying to combine a few cage’s together so there’s only a few cages in that room. We took down all of the toys from the glider cages and put them in my bathtub to get washed. It’s been years since they have gotten a true bath. Mallory decided to go ahead and burn everything in the burn barrel. It was hilarious watching her avoid the moving flames of the fire in the wind. I tried to tell her it was too windy but once something is put in her mind she’s going to do it. I recorder just about the entire thing because she was being hilarious. I wanted to help cook supper which was simple; biscuits, sausages and white gravy. It didn’t take about thirty minutes to get everything done and it was time to eat. I ate a biscuit and a half and couldn’t handle taking another bite.
Friday, I was supposed to have a wound care appointment but the doctor, Steven, didn’t think it was necessary to be seen this week since we are only waiting on my insurance and my nicotine levels to go down. I still had a few errands that needed to be done in Alexandria so we kept the plan to go to Alexandria anyway. We got a later start to the day, putting me in my chair around 9:30. My dad came around 8:30 to look for the water leak that he couldn’t find the night before. This time you could hear the water running just like we could hear on the back porch. Daddy didn’t want to have to crawl up under the house in 36° weather with about six inches of standing water so he tried to find a plumber. I honestly had no idea trying to find a plumber would be so hard but daddy called at least three people. He left and said that if no one called him back by noon or one when the weather had warmed up, he’d get under there and fix it himself. After he left it was time to get me dressed and in my chair.
As Mallory is putting the lift down to sit me in my chair, Jessica Hailey and Mia came through the door. Jessica came to do wound care for the day since I wasn’t seeing the doctor. It only took about 10 or 15 minutes to do the wound care completely, and have me back, dressed and ready to go. We followed them out and went to Alexandria. Our first stop was Petco of course. Mallory wanted to get a crab for her ten gallon aquarium. We looked at the betta fish, the koi, goldfish and all the other fish but there was no crabs. I wanted to look at the fantail goldfish and ended up finding celestial goldfish whose eyes are on the top of their heads instead of on the side. This makes them look like you took tiny Googly eyes and glued them to their head. They are so cute. I already knew two of those would be going home with me. We still had a good bit of stuff to do so we’d have to stop on our way home so they would have enough oxygen to make it home. We drove passed CiCi’s Pizza and decided that was what we wanted for lunch. We didn’t have a bent fork with us so it was very interesting to eat with a regular plastic one but I made it work. The next stop was the vape shop so I could get a nicotine free vape but the first one we went to didn’t have any so we decided that we would stop by the one in Ball where I know they have what I want. While in Alexandria I went ahead and went to Cabrini Hospital to get the lab tests from before my last neck surgery for Dr. Bowie. The only other stop was to get the fish before we came home. The afternoon was spent getting the tank ready for the three celestial goldfish we brought home, cleaning up the house and putting me back in the bed.
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Exam Room Two, Please...

1/8/2023

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Well hello, folks!
I hope everyone has been having a great start to the new year. It’s been a pretty good week for me overall.
Monday was a little on the boring side. I had made plans with a guy friend to hang out for New Year’s so I decided to go ahead and get up in my chair. I did a little bit of housework and some personal hygiene stuff that I could do myself. It was later in the day that Ryan had to cancel because of time getting away from him. He lives two hours away from me so he wouldn’t have been able to stay long because of time restraints. So for the remainder of the day, I got to sit on the porch enjoying the sunshine while doing a few things on my phone. Mallory and I cooked a pork tenderloin wrapped in bacon with sweet peas and cornbread. It was supposed to be black-eyed peas but since Mallory doesn’t eat beans she didn’t know the difference. I got a good shock when I took a bite of my pea and cornbread mix and it was sweet peas, not black-eyed peas.
Tuesday I ended up having to get back in my chair because Mallory had to go to her scheduled visitation with her little boy. It was something that slipped by our brains until about seven that morning. While she was gone I went to work on my kitchen. It was definitely not how I like it kept. I started by gathering all of the dirty dishes that I could and then went to work in the sink. When my hands felt gross from being in the water I would move to something else and then go back to the dishes. I finished everything that I could by myself because I continued to clean around the house. There were a few times that I wanted to cry because I couldn’t do something as easily as I could.
Wednesday was pretty boring overall. I just stayed in bed. I placed a Walmart order with a few things that needed to be picked up for the house as well as picked up the ingredients for spaghetti. One day I want to try my hand at making my own spaghetti sauce, but until then I just used a jar from Walmart that had garlic and cheese in the sauce already. I honestly had trouble making up my mind if I wanted to use just meatballs or ground beef. The only thing exciting that happened on Wednesday was the fact that I got my pressure alternating cushion in the mail. It didn’t come till around 5 o’clock that afternoon. I’m hoping that this type of cushion will help relieve the chance of getting another pressure sore once this one has healed up. My dad came to install a gas heater in my bedroom. When the weather went down to 17° at night, the temperature in my bedroom also would not stay up. My bedroom and bathroom are located furthest from the air conditioning unit so I am assuming that the hot air does not reach these two rooms in my house. I didn’t want to get stuck without another heater if the weather were to turn back cold. He got just about everything hooked up and placed on the wall but decided to come back Thursday to finish hooking the line up under the house.
I reached out to my academic advisor at Southern New Hampshire University this week as well to let him know that I would not be able to start classes like I had planned because my wound was not healed. He agreed that it would be best to not go forward with the class until I am healed up completely so we have dropped all of my classes. I’m honestly not sure how I feel about it yet. I know that it is the best thing for me right now because it’s obvious that I am not going to be able to do schoolwork with trying to heal up my pressure sore.
Thursday was honestly busy but so worth it. I ended up having to get in my chair because Mallory had to go to Harrisonburg for an appointment. While she was gone, I ended up seeing my dad finish putting in the heater line, Jessica do wound care, my Maw Sue came to visit, and a friend named Ryan come over, I already knew that it was going to be a busy day. My dad was the first one to show up with my uncle Ricky to finish putting in the gas line to my heater. It took them about two hours to finish everything up. There were complications after complications, of course, but they finally got it up and running. It’s an extremely large heater so I’m not gonna need it very much. While my dad was here I got him to look at the toilet in my bathroom that has been constantly running. He told me that it needs a whole new insert piece and then he would bring me one the next time he come this way. This is one reason why my water bill was extremely high this month; $202. I know the water leak played a big hand in the water being so expensive, but this is probably the first water bill I have ever seen this high. It wasn’t even a good ten minutes after my dad left that Jessica and Sue pulled up. This was the first time I have gotten to see Sue in a while and it was great. I can’t even begin to describe how much I miss the fun times we used to have sitting on Jessica‘s porch in the sunshine. It’s honestly kind of crazy to me how much time shows on my family members. Sue fell asleep on my couch while Jessica and I did my wound care. We let her sleep while we went outside for a few minutes, then checked on all of the fish. I am not exactly sure how, but somehow I have a missing beta fish in my 20-gallon aquarium. We have searched everywhere and can’t find her. The only thing I can see that happened is one of my cats got on the lid of the aquarium and got her. I guess there is one more possible answer which is she jumped out of the tank and died but if this is the case, I may not find a body with all the animals I have running around my house. After a little while they had to go. Again, not even ten minutes after they left that Ryan showed up. He’s a little bit goofy and short (shhh don’t tell him I said that). We met a while ago, I want to say back in August. At first, we were thinking about dating but decided to just stay friends. He is a good friend. He’s come to my house multiple times and he even came to visit me when I was in the hospital back in November. We sat on the porch for a little while, enjoying the sunshine while we talked. I was trying out my new cushion and it was starting to hurt my butt so I asked Ryan if he would mind putting me in the bed and we’d watch a movie. He agreed so we put me back in bed and cuddled up to watch Shameless together. He knows that I can’t control my body temperature so he says he’s my heat rock. The warmth coming from his body feels a lot better than the heater but sucks when he moves. He lives two hours away from me, so it wasn’t but a few hours before he had to go home to take care of his niece. Since I was still home alone, we had to put me back in my chair. This was the first time he’s ever done it by himself, and I have to give the man credit, he did very well for the first time. It was absolutely hilarious watching him drive my chair back and forth to the bathroom. Once we got my back in my chair, we sat on the porch for a few more minutes talking before he decided he needed to leave, he was already running late from when he was supposed to leave. I got to sit in the sunshine for a little while longer before Mallory came home. It wasn’t long after she got home that we ended up putting me back in bed as much as I didn’t want to.
Friday was wound care so I had to get back in my chair. I woke up extremely early like I always do; around 4 AM. I played on my phone until it was seven. Once I was in my chair, I washed my face and brushed my teeth. It’s amazing how something as simple as that can make a person feel better. We left a tad bit early so that we would have plenty of time to get there. We didn’t have to wait too long in the waiting room surprisingly. “Exam room two please,” the nurse said as she took us back. Steven was back from his vacation finally. I honestly didn’t like the timeframe for this surgery. The doctor mentioned that my pre-protein levels and my protein levels were just a hair lower than what they needed to be so I also have to work on my protein intake which I already knew I was going to have to do anyway. The big kicker is that, I now have to be nicotine free for my surgery. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem but they are actually checking my blood levels for nicotine this time. I’m not so much worried about the nicotine addiction because I have swapped to a Vape that is no nicotine and I am doing just fine. But why the fuck couldn’t they have told me this when they mentioned the surgery? So they are going to monitor my nicotine levels and go from there on surgery. They still talked about my insurance needing to be dropped or changed in order for the surgery too. So right now I don’t even have a sight for the end of this wound. I don’t know how long it takes for nicotine levels to drop or how long my surgery will take to get approved. I’m fucking stuck in limbo here. This is not a place my mental health needs to be alone. I’m ready to just say fuck it and give up. This bed is not doing me any favors as far as physically or mentally and I’ve had it. My mental health is what’s struggling here and in my own opinion it’s the most important part of being healthy. My body can be sick but as long as my mind is strong I can make it. This is completely different. My mind is weak as well as my body.
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Hello, 2023!

1/4/2023

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Hey guys and gals!
Last year was extremely hard for me for multiple reasons but I am bound and determined to make this year better than the last one. I have written out some of my goals for 2023. I tend to overload myself with goals and none of them seem to come true so this year I have done only a few as actual goals for the year.
“Though thy beginning was small, yet thy latter end should greatly increase” - Job 8:7 KJV

Goal One:
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My first goal is to get my pressure sore healed completely so that I can be able to get off bed rest and actually do things again. There’s a lot that goes without saying as to why I would have this on my goal list. The pressure sore can have a lot of negative impacts on my physical health as well as my mental health. Once I’m out of this bed I will be able to have more independence and I will be able to start strengthening everything again. This is going to be a tough goal because of everything that comes with healing it. There’s going to be surgery, then a long recovery process in the hospital.

Goal Two:
My second goal is to start back my college classes so that I can finish my degree. I only have thirteen or fourteen classes left until I get my bachelor’s degree in psychology and graphic design. If I can return to doing two classes a term which is considered full-time, I could have it done in seven terms. A term is 8 weeks in the university that I go to so that would mean I could have everything done in about fifty-six weeks so almost a year left. If I continue with only one course at a time it will take me double the amount of time it’s going to take to do them full-time. This is considered to be going to school half the. I still have not decided what I’m going to do once I get out of school with my bachelor's degree. There are a good amount of options with both of my majors.

Goal Three:
My third goal for 2023 is to finish building my koi ponds for my fish. I have become obsessed with koi ponds this year and I even have four of my own. Koi can get huge, just like in the zoo. I want my fish happy and healthy which requires quite a lot of room so they can grow. I currently have three ponds but none of them are finished and only one has fish in it. I want to finish the three small ponds that are all on my porches. It’s time that they get done and ready for springtime. I’m hoping to be able to put fish in them this spring. I also have one big pond that I want to dig in the ground to give them room to grow. From the estimate that I got, this pond will be well over a thousand gallons. I have a spot picked out and the shape picked out already.

Goal Four:
The next goal is to get some answers about my pinched nerves so that I can either rebuild the muscle that is gone or at least solve the pain that I have to deal with due to muscle wasting in both hands. This is extremely important to me. I don’t want to continue to not have my fingers and be in pain for the rest of my life. I’ve been ignored about the initial problem for over a year but this year is going to be my year and I’m going to step up for my own health. This plays a big part in my mental health because I’m such an independent person.

Goal Five:
My final goal for this year is to get back into some of the things that made me happy in the past to find a new hobby. In the past it’s been reading, writing, my empath side, making things in resin or astrology and numerology. I have kind of lost myself the last few years trying to make other people happy but it’s time that I focus on myself. I don’t exactly know how I’m going to accomplish this goal yet but I’m already starting by writing to you guys more.


I have other things that I want to get done in the next year but those are the ones that I have hopes of accomplishing this year. I’ll write some of those small things that I want to get done this year below.

Things I’d like to do in 2023:
  • Stop vaping
  • Save money
  • Get my house unpacked and in order
  • Pay on all of my debt
  • Get my aide services settled
  • Get back to a routine
  • Workout more
  • Stretch more
  • Drink more water
  • Have fewer bladder infections


I hope everyone has made themselves some goals for the new year. I don’t want to call them New Year’s resolutions, because I am the same person, I just learned lessons the past year. If you have not already, think about four or five things that you really want to accomplish this year. Now write them down and the reasons why you want them this year. I like to keep my goals in view so that I can see them every day. This is not something that I’ve been doing but I fully intend on making a spot that I see every day and putting my goal list there.
At the end of the year, I want to take time to examine all of my goals and the other things and see how many I get done.
Again, happy New Year everyone!
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It’s Never Easy…

1/1/2023

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Hey guyyys!
How’s everyone doing? This will be my last post of 2022! I have had a really long and difficult year this year but I have to believe that 2023 will be a much better year. I have faith that 2023 will be a better year. I have a blog post coming after new years that describes my goals and hopes for this upcoming year so stay tuned.
I have had a much better week this week if I’m being honest. There hasn’t been a whole lot going on other than dealing with life in the bed. I have my bad moments but overall I haven’t had as many bad moments.
I have called the Neuromedical Center in Baton Rouge where I went in August to start the process of fixing my nerves in my arms. They were supposed to be ordering a CT with contrast to see why Dr. Dowd done surgery on my neck instead of going to my elbows in first place. I never heard anything else from them. Life had gotten crazy with Tanner leaving me and my pressure sore that I hadn’t even thought about it. When I called I told them that I hadn’t heard anything back about the test and they said that they saw where it was ordered but that it was strange that no one had called me. She went ahead and scheduled me an appointment for January 27th to see the doctor and put the order back in to get my test. I know that this doctor is trying to figure out why my neck was worked on instead of the problem but I really wish that they would just fix my elbows and wrist first. The pain wouldn’t be so bad or at least we could try to fix it before it’s too bad that it can’t be fixed.
I have also gotten further with purchasing a pressure alternating chair cushion. I have been researching this type of cushion because it does the same thing that the mattress that the hospital uses to help keep the pressure off my butt. There’s honestly not a lot of options for a pressure alternating cushion. The company that I found is called The Ease Seating System. My cushion has been approved by the state! So now that it’s been approved the company can now start working on making the cushion. Of course, my cushion is not a standard size so it has to be special made so it will take a little longer to get it to me. I’m really hoping that I will have it for the ride to the Covington hospital, that is if they don’t take me by ambulance. I can’t honestly imagine that ride all alone with the EMTs. I know I’ve had to do it before but I don’t want to have to do that again. The last time was the time I had sepsis after my mitrofanoff and ACE surgery. I almost died during that stay…
Friday morning I went to wound care in Alexandria. We had to wait an hour in the waiting room before we got into the back. They put me in a small room with a vent that had bandages over the vent because it was so cold. It was just like the normal appointment, we done the Macsonix machine. When the doctor came in she opened the entrance of the wound up because it had gotten so small that there wasn’t really room to put the packing in the wound. She done this without any type of numbing cream and then looked at me like I was nuts when I went to crying because it hurt. I really do believe that the doctors believe that just because I can’t move that I can’t feel anything from the neck down. This is definitely not the case. I felt every slice she made. At the end, she discussed the muscle flap surgery. She talked with the surgeon, Abigail Chaffin, who agreed to do the surgery as long as we get prior authorization for the surgery and the six weeks recovery stay in LTAC long term care facility. According to them, my Humana insurance does not like to cover the recovery care and without the proper recovery the surgery will fail. So I have to get some type of authorization numbers to both of them before Dr. Chaffin will do surgery. The doctor wasn’t sure how long that would take and the lady in the office wasn’t there. It will be Tuesday before the office reopens after the new year. The only other option she gave me is to drop my Humana and just go back to regular Medicare part A and B.
When I got home I immediately called Humana to try to see if I could figure out what was going on with the authorization. The lady with Humana was just as confused as I was to what the doctor was wanting because she said that the doctor doctor has to send in the request for the service and then they will authorize it or not. She went ahead and told me my benefits to the plan and done an address change for me before we got off the phone. I don’t really know anything about insurance so a lot of this stuff goes over my head. I really need to learn all of this stuff but I honestly don’t know where to start. If you have any helpful information please let me know in the comments. The more I got to thinking about it, my Humana is a Medicare Advantage Plan which means that they cover everything that Medicare covers plus more so how can dropping my Humana help? This is the type of question I will have to see what the nurse at wound care has to say.
For New Year’s Eve Mallory and I decided to go to Kelly’s house where we roasted weenies, marshmallows and popped fireworks. I was drinking some type of gator or jungle juice. It was a lot of fun and much better than spending it alone in bed. I couldn’t stay all night because of my wound. We left and came home around nine and I was asleep shortly afterwards. My pain level and the alcohol mixture had me tired and my belly hurt.
Until next week…
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    Paralyzed from the neck down after an ATV rollover at 14, April Otwell is beating the odds the doctors gave her. She's a blogger, fantasy writer, college student, sugar glider guardian and spinal cord injury survivor.  She's even writing her first fiction novel!

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