I want to get real with you guys. The last few months I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression pretty hard. I’m usually a very positive person but this has me in a dark place and I don’t like it. I’m hoping I can help sort through these feelings by writing everything down. I don’t want to take medication for it because I could become dependent on it and I definitely don’t want that. If I cannot do this on my own I will have to see a doctor. I know my limits. I have honestly reached those limits and I see my doctor tomorrow to be able to talk to him about everything plus a few more things.
These are the reasons that I’m depressed:
I have cabin fever. Right now I’m stuck in a 24x12 space with all of my animals, a mini fridge, a tv, a dresser, a jewelry box and a desk. There’s a few other things in the building but it’s too hard to write everything. I have so many plans that I want to do but I’m stuck because I don’t have room for any of them. I need more space to grow basically. I feel like I’m suffocating in this small space.
I have no friends to hang out with so I’m extremely lonely. I’m stuck at home alone all the time. I have Jessa and Kelly but honestly I can’t take the kids screaming and stuff all at once. I can handle one or two of them but when you throw all four of them into the mix I can’t handle it. I have an anxiety attack every time. I feel like the walls are closing in around me and that I can’t breathe.
These are the reasons I’m stressed and anxious:
I have anywhere from $8,000 to $10,000 worth of medical bills that need to be paid but I’m on disability and can’t sustain my monthly bills with paying my medical bills. I’ve looked into a personal loan but with my 589 credit score I can’t get approved alone. I don’t want to ask anyone else to sign with me. My credit is so low because of past medical bills on my credit report.
I have a triple wide trailer about six or seven miles from Jessica’s house that my dad bought me. It’s mine. He’s currently living in it so that he can build himself a house on the river. I love the trailer, yes it needs some modifications so I can live there alone but overall it great. There’s just one downfall. It’s in Belah and away from everyone I’m close too. Here in Trout I have Mike, Pam, Little Mike, Jessica, Derek, Kelly (when’s she’s down), the kids, and Hailey. If I get into a bind I have someone within a few hundred feet who could come help me. If I move out there I’m going to be all by myself. Yeah it’s only a few miles but it makes a difference.
I have been trying to learn how to drive. My insurance doesn’t cover the cost. I just received my quote of how much my training is going to be and I’m looking at $9,500 just for training! Driving is one step to being independent if I have to move to Belah. I wouldn’t be stuck at home all the time. I have a Go Fund Me for my driving if you’d like to donate to it or my PayPal. There’s a donation button on my home page and the link to my GFM is https://www.gofundme.com/empower-sci?pc=ot_co_dashboard_a&rcid=c8258761f67c45c0a55db8bedcf42075
I’m trying to go to college to help me make a career so I can make more money for my future but of course that requires a lot of money. I have applied for FASFA and I qualify as a dependent student since I’m twenty three. Soooo I’m having to push back my studies until July 2019 so I’m considered a independent student and can get the max grants.
Some other things bothering me is:
I need to attend therapy for my health but my healthcare doesn’t cover all the cost so I was paying $60 a week! I can’t afford that!
I need Botox injections but they are about $700 every twelve weeks after insurance payments. Again I can’t afford that!
I don’t qualify for Medicaid because of my disability but my disability isn’t enough to live on by itself.
I have some other things bothering me but I won’t air my dirty laundry out for everyone. The point is everything is just becoming very overwhelming for me and I’m trying to sort it out. I have lost my motivation to do just about everything besides take care of my animals. It’s depressing upon itself. I need some prayers for clarity.
These are the reasons that I’m depressed:
I have cabin fever. Right now I’m stuck in a 24x12 space with all of my animals, a mini fridge, a tv, a dresser, a jewelry box and a desk. There’s a few other things in the building but it’s too hard to write everything. I have so many plans that I want to do but I’m stuck because I don’t have room for any of them. I need more space to grow basically. I feel like I’m suffocating in this small space.
I have no friends to hang out with so I’m extremely lonely. I’m stuck at home alone all the time. I have Jessa and Kelly but honestly I can’t take the kids screaming and stuff all at once. I can handle one or two of them but when you throw all four of them into the mix I can’t handle it. I have an anxiety attack every time. I feel like the walls are closing in around me and that I can’t breathe.
These are the reasons I’m stressed and anxious:
I have anywhere from $8,000 to $10,000 worth of medical bills that need to be paid but I’m on disability and can’t sustain my monthly bills with paying my medical bills. I’ve looked into a personal loan but with my 589 credit score I can’t get approved alone. I don’t want to ask anyone else to sign with me. My credit is so low because of past medical bills on my credit report.
I have a triple wide trailer about six or seven miles from Jessica’s house that my dad bought me. It’s mine. He’s currently living in it so that he can build himself a house on the river. I love the trailer, yes it needs some modifications so I can live there alone but overall it great. There’s just one downfall. It’s in Belah and away from everyone I’m close too. Here in Trout I have Mike, Pam, Little Mike, Jessica, Derek, Kelly (when’s she’s down), the kids, and Hailey. If I get into a bind I have someone within a few hundred feet who could come help me. If I move out there I’m going to be all by myself. Yeah it’s only a few miles but it makes a difference.
I have been trying to learn how to drive. My insurance doesn’t cover the cost. I just received my quote of how much my training is going to be and I’m looking at $9,500 just for training! Driving is one step to being independent if I have to move to Belah. I wouldn’t be stuck at home all the time. I have a Go Fund Me for my driving if you’d like to donate to it or my PayPal. There’s a donation button on my home page and the link to my GFM is https://www.gofundme.com/empower-sci?pc=ot_co_dashboard_a&rcid=c8258761f67c45c0a55db8bedcf42075
I’m trying to go to college to help me make a career so I can make more money for my future but of course that requires a lot of money. I have applied for FASFA and I qualify as a dependent student since I’m twenty three. Soooo I’m having to push back my studies until July 2019 so I’m considered a independent student and can get the max grants.
Some other things bothering me is:
I need to attend therapy for my health but my healthcare doesn’t cover all the cost so I was paying $60 a week! I can’t afford that!
I need Botox injections but they are about $700 every twelve weeks after insurance payments. Again I can’t afford that!
I don’t qualify for Medicaid because of my disability but my disability isn’t enough to live on by itself.
I have some other things bothering me but I won’t air my dirty laundry out for everyone. The point is everything is just becoming very overwhelming for me and I’m trying to sort it out. I have lost my motivation to do just about everything besides take care of my animals. It’s depressing upon itself. I need some prayers for clarity.
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