It’s been a long week, to be honest with everyone. Christmas is right around the corner and I’m nowhere near in the Christmas spirit. The majority of my problem with this time of year is that the last Christmas I spent with my mom wasn’t a pleasant memory. She didn’t know that it was Christmas Day on Christmas. She argued with me about the fact that it was Christmas. She commented suicide about three weeks later. I always have trouble with my mental health during this time of year but this year has been especially rough.
I have been extremely busy this week preparing for the holidays. I won’t lie I haven’t bought any Christmas presents this year, I haven’t been in the right mindset or had the finances to do a whole lot. For the last few years, I have been breaking myself to provide Christmas for the people I care about but I cannot continue to do so otherwise I’ll only drown myself.
Tuesday I went to Monroe with Jessica, Amy, and Mallory. Monroe is about an hour and a half drive from my house. This was my first road trip that was so far away from my house. I do OK sitting up in my chair as long as I’m not moving around too much, otherwise, my wound hurts something awful. I’m not a big fan of car rides right now with my wound. I was scared that the car ride was going to make it that long without hurting too bad. We ended up spending about six hours total away from the house. We went to Ross where I was able to find a few shirts and cute leggings that are my actual size and easy to get on. Everything that I own is really too big for me and extremely baggy.
The rest of the week was spent deep cleaning some of my house. Unfortunately, over the last six months, I have lost sugar gliders, so I am now down to only eight of them in their room. It makes me feel better to deep clean everything. I’ve had to set myself back away from the sugar gliders emotionally otherwise, losing as many as I have in the short span, would absolutely kill me. They know that I love them and that is all the comfort I can give myself. I honestly don’t know what’s happening to them. I will only drive myself insane if I try to figure it out.
Friday I went to wound care again. The morning started off really well, I felt normal as much as I could anyway. I got dressed in a new outfit that actually fits me better and took the time to make sure I was sitting in my chair well. It was 13° outside! I hate the cold. It was only us when we got inside the building so we didn’t have to wait in the lobby long. We weren’t as lucky when it came to not having to wait. The nurse did all of the wound dressing changes, measured the wound, and waited on the doctor while she set up the sound machine. It was 0.5 cm by 0.5 cm, and the depth is 1.5 cm but there’s a tunnel or undermining in the wound that’s at least 9 cm. This tunnel or undermine is what’s not healing but at a standstill. The doctor that I been seeing the last two times I’ve been to this wound care clinic was not there because of the holidays so I had to see someone new. It was a lady named Rachel. She asked me a few questions before using the machine to clean out the wound. After the wound was cleaned out she sat back down to talk to me about the muscle flap surgery. She told me that the clinic had received the labs from Cabrini Hospital, and everything looked fine. The next step is to meet with a surgeon. We are going to try to do a FaceTime appointment with the surgeon this coming Friday. The surgeon may end up needing me to have a more recent bone scan to make sure there is no infection before we do the surgery. She also told me that the muscle flap surgery is a very delicate process and that if this were to fail, another surgeon would never perform another muscle flap on me again. It’s extremely important that I am doing offloading of the area, getting my nutrition, and getting good night rest. She told me that they would send me to L-Tac in Covington, Louisiana for about six weeks which I already knew. Of course, being away from my house that long makes me upset, but I would much rather get healed or I can do things at my house instead of just being there in the bed all the time.
It does scare me a little bit, knowing that if this surgery were to fail with this pressure sore, there would be no other chances at a muscle flap surgery. If this is the case, if I were to get another pressure sore, I would have no other choice, but to let it heal on its own. Depending on the size of the wound, this could take months or even years to heal a wound like this. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that this surgery does not fail. I have to say that my nutrition is not the best so I have started to replace mom some of my drinks with a protein shake to make sure that I’m getting enough protein. When I was in the hospital back in September, my potassium levels were not the best in the world so I am trying to make sure that I eat enough greens so that my potassium levels stay where they need to as well. I’ve been on a really big salad cake since my long-term care stay in Cabrini.
On Christmas Eve I had a water leak from the water facet under the carport. The water hose had not been drained before the water got cut off and then the water froze. It popped off the top of the pipe. I honestly don’t know how long it was running when we found it but I’m sure the water bill will be higher than normal. We had to wait on someone to bring us some PVC glue so we ended up just turning the water off. The glue that Jessica brought at about 4 o’clock was not any good so she ran to town to see if she could find any more at Walmart or tractor supply. There was not any at either place so I ended up having to call my dad and he come out to my house at about seven or eight that night to fix the water leak. It didn’t take but maybe five minutes to fix.
Yesterday was Christmas. It doesn’t feel like Christmas to me this year. In a lot of ways it kind of reminds me of the last Christmas, I spent with my mom when she didn’t even know it was Christmas day. This is also the first Christmas that I’ve spent pretty much alone in two years. It was odd, to be honest. The day was not all bad. I got up in my chair because I refuse to spend Christmas stuck in bed and put my makeup on. I used to do this every morning just to make myself feel a little better about myself and I have to say that it worked today as well. I was able to put my makeup on without using my universal cuff which I have not been able to do for a very long time which makes me happy as well. Kelly came by for a few minutes to drop off Christmas gifts before she had to run to her parent's house. I got a really good-smelling candle, a set of Harry Potter pajamas, a new lighter, a CUTE little succulent sign, a peppermint shot glass, and a neck scarf. I got to bundle up and go sit in the sunshine for about thirty minutes before Jessica pulled into the driveway to do my wound care. While Jessica was here I got her to help me and Mallory with rolling out the empty glider cages to the carport. I hope that the German roaches that I’m fighting in that room will freeze. They are up in the metal cages. There are not but five cages in there now. It’s so odd to see that room so empty. I love my gliders and I’m sorry that things have played out the way it has for them. Once Jessica left we did a few other things around the house before putting me back in the bed.
Until next week…