I’m struggling, which these days seem to come more frequently. It feels like I’m struggling to keep my head above water. There’s so much going on in my life and it seems that it’s not going to be settling down anytime soon. I truly believe that the devil comes after people trying to live for God. I may not be the most Godly person but I try my best to live for him and make him proud. The devil is definitely been trying to break me down, not only me but my entire family these days. We can’t catch a break but the storm is almost over. I rebuke all of this stupid stuff going on in my life and my family’s life and accept that God never puts more on us than we can handle.
I just want to give you a list of things I have going on in my life.
1. College work I have to get done
2. Animals to take care of
3. Blogs to write here
4. A new blog launch coming in September
5. Doctors appointments
6. Therapy
7. Youtube videos to make
8. Surgery to do again which means about two weeks in the hospital and then recovery time
9. Either going to be moving in my house or build me a house which means I’ll have to make floor plans if I decide to build a house (blog coming on that soon)
10. Chair parts to be installed
11. I’m becoming a godmother
12. A close family member passed away
13. My fantasy writing needs to be caught up
14. Trying to take care of myself too
15. A new relationship blossoming
16. Trying to maintain old friendships
17. Gotta go to Houston for driving evaluation
18. My bowels are not cooperating with me causing me to be backed up and with that causes a lot of pain
19. Staying on top of bills both monthly and medical bills to help my credit score
20. Trying to socialize my hedgehog so he’s not grumpy
21. Gotta get the van serviced
22. A home to keep clean
23. Businesses to run

In Jesus name I rebuke the devil hanging over me and my family. Amen.

Thursday, July 12 was a very sad day for my family. Michael Judd Brown, the cousin I call MJ, passed away in a terrible accident. He was working on a bridge and fell from it, killing him instantly. MJ was twenty eight year old with a beautiful wife and a little girl that will turn 2 in October. We laid him to rest on Monday July 16. It’s been an extreme emotional roller coaster because MJ is Jessica’s brother and Mike’s son. You can imagine how horrid the last few days have been! It’s so sad.MJ was down from his house in Hebert, Louisiana the weekend before he got killed. I can still hear him coming into my building as I talked to my boyfriend Nomir on the phone. The smile on his face and his laughter will forever be with me. We grew up together and were always close. We became even closer once I started living with Jessa. I told him all my secrets that I could not tell anyone else and he understood that in order to enjoy this life to its fullest there’s going to be mistakes made. We bonded over a few beers a couple of times and let me tell you I drank way too much which for me is like three beers. He laughed at me drunk until he nearly peed on himself. These are the memories that I will cherish forever. I thought I’d get more time with him but unfortunately God had other plans.
MJ had hurt his back a few weeks before his death that left him humped over, which he believed that he slipped some disks or had bulging disks. All I can think is that the injury could have resulted in paralysis and it was in his lower back so he would have been paralyzed from the waist down. If you knew MJ you know he would not have been able to handle this life. If you didn’t know him, MJ was an outdoorsman that loved to spend the majority of his free time either hunting or fishing. If his injury led to becoming a paraplegic I don’t think he would have had the strength that so many of us survivors have to continue living. I believe God took him before his injury became worse. We will all miss him but he’s with my mom and everybody else that has gone before us. We will keep his memory going for the beautiful little girl he leaves behind. She’s only about to be two. She’s too young that she’s not going to remember him once she’s older.
A day after he passed away my uncle Harvey, who’s wife died shortly after my mom, came to pay his respects and told my uncle Mike, MJ’s grandfather, a chilling story. He said, “I was sitting down in my chair as out of the blue clear as day I heard Sue Baby[his wife] say don’t worry about the boy. We got him up here with us.” It’s comforting for my family because of the manner of death, I cannot say more because there’s an investigation going on. I can say he was dead before he actually fell so the worry about what he must have felt as he was falling the 35-40 feet is no longer a worry.
Please keep my family in your prayers as we all heal from this tragic death and most of all for his wife Kelly and his little girl Addison.

I have some exciting news to share! Technically there’s more than one thing I wanna talk about so hang on tight for a rather long post.
As everyone knows I have been so busy that I’ve been slacking in other areas. I stopped doing videos for this year, haven’t even been blogging a lot, and my animals have not been handled like they should be. It’s my fault to be putting so much on my plate at once but sometimes it just happens.
Here’s a few things going down right now and some stuff I have planned:

• I’ve been attending therapy again to strengthen my upper body as well as train my ankles to stand up. All of this effort is paying off, on the ankles anyway, and I get to try to use my standing chair for the first second time. The first time I tried to use it my ankles caved in and it was too dangerous on my body. That was over a year ago.
• I have been finishing up a certification program to become a graphic artist. It’s not a degree program but will help me on my way to getting my degree. I’ve basically been doing all the fun stuff first and leaving the other boring stuff for last. I should be finished with it by the end of July. I plan on taking a few months off as a break from schoolwork to focus on a few other things.
• My MACE stoma has closed and will need to be redone completely. This will include another surgery and another stay in the hospital. I’m still iffy on if I’m going to do the surgery because the last time threw my body into septic shock and I was in the ICU for a week.
• I have to make an appointment for driving in Houston again in August or September. The therapist cannot see how I will gain enough strength with my December deadline so I’m going back to do everything in high technology. It will be more expensive so you can imagine I’ll be doing some fundraising for expenses related to getting me a vehicle and installing hand controls. That’s for a later date though.
• The approximate date of having my house is in December which is not too far away. I will hopefully spend the first couple of months in 2019 moving and unpacking stuff into my house. Look forward to starting videos again when I’m able to get in my house.
• I plan on starting to write my book on my accident starting when I get out of school in July but there’s so much it’s going to take a while to actually get into everything and figure out what should be put in my book and what should not be put in my book.
• I plan on starting to do public speaking in 2019 hopefully so that I can share my story with others. I love to inspire others with my story and I want to expand that away from this blog, and hopefully YouTube.
• I plan on blogging more often and more intimate details of my life. I’ll probably be creating a different blog on some of the details like my love life just so those of my family who read this don’t have to know sooo much about me. I don’t know yet, I have a few things to work out now.