Hey, it’s me again.. It’s been quite some time since I wrote to you last… four years to be exact. I thought we had come to an understanding last time, but then again did I really expect you to behave?
So let’s catch up a bit.. what’s been going on? Today marks a big milestone together. Today you and I have known each other for 14 years, meaning we’ve been together half of my life now.
You’re still a bossy condition, that hasn’t changed, in fact you’ve gotten even worse over the years. Now, I can no longer control your tantrums, and they are even longer and more frequent these days.
The doctor tells me that you’re getting worse now, that time does that as it passes. I can’t believe it, just when I think you can’t throw anymore surprises, you seem to throw the biggest surprise of them all…
There’s no words to describe the feelings that overwhelm me today. Sadness, anger, grief. This is one of the first years that I can say that I have regressed and not shown any progress. My body is starting to deteriorate on me at a faster rate.
It scares me, you see.
Braces, cuffs, and other grip aids now all fill a drawer, each with its unique purpose; to give me a small taste of independence again. How much longer will things continue to be this way?
You have taken a lot in the last four years since we last got to chat but then again you don’t need to be reminded do you?
It’s been hard loosing something that you have worked your ass off to regain. I tell myself all the time, “I can’t do this the rest of my life..” but the truth is painful, I have no other choice…
I don’t remember what it was like before my accident, those memories have been burned away from my memory years ago. I only know that I can remember what it was like to have what I had back up my hands… That is the torture.
You played a hand in the destruction of my marriage, we won’t lie and try to say that you didn’t. I won’t lie by saying that may have been a good thing overall. I deserve someone better than what I had… so maybe thank you for that?
I’m struggling right now, mentally and physically but I know that I will be okay in time.
After all, phoenixes must go down in flames to be able to rise from the ash.
So as I end my letter to you on our half life anniversary, I just want to say you can throw at me what you want to. I will always rise above. We are in this together bitch…