I’m ready for a relationship with someone who sees past my wheelchair and injury. My injury doesn’t define me just is a small bump in the road. I have a lot of issues but I am capable of being with someone and making a damn good spouse. I have so much to offer someone. I feel like I’m just stuck in limbo right now. I’m always waiting on something or someone. I spend about 90% of my life waiting. I’m waiting for my house to be done, being able to drive, someone to get me dressed, fix my hair or something.
I know I’m supposed to be patient but I’m tired of being patient now. I want to get my life started before I get to old to do the things I wanna do.
I love my current boyfriend don’t get me wrong, we’ve been together for almost eight months. I just have a part of me that knows that it won’t work because of the differences between us. He’s polyamorous, for those who doesn’t know what means he dates multiple people. I’m completely monogamous, I get jealous very easily because of my self esteem issues. I feel like my partner could go find someone who could make things easier on them. Someone who could walk. I hate the thought of my boyfriend being with another person, in this relationship I’m trying to get over it but I still find myself coming back to that point. He’s kinda disorganized and I am very organized in my own way. I hate clutter. I am kinda OCD. I like to plan ahead somewhat and he doesn’t. He likes horror movies and I am a big chicken. He has a more open sexual appetite and I am more old fashioned. He hates the sun but I absolutely love the sunshine and in the summer spend as much time as possible outside. He’s hot natured and I’m cold natured. He doesn’t believe the government should have a say in an relationship meaning he doesn’t believe in legal marriage. He doesn’t have the same belief system as I do.
Honestly I could handle all of the differences but I keep coming back to the main two ones; polyamorous and he doesn’t believe in legal marriage. I want my husband to myself. I don’t wanna share him with anyone else. Yes I know that he could cheat but I want a faithful husband who only loves me. I wonder to myself if that the reason why I haven’t had sex with him yet.
I’ve been keeping my distance a lot lately by not talking to him as much and trying to figure things out for myself. It’s just hard because I love him but I don’t know if it’s anything more than a friendship kind of love. I don’t want to loose his friendship if I end the romantic relationship because he is my best friend. He doesn’t judge me or my faults. He loves me just the way I am.
I’m a rock stuck in a hard place and don’t really know where to go from here.