Feelings…

This one is something that is difficult for me to write. I have not been in the mood to write a whole blog to you guys. I don’t understand fully about what’s going on with me but writing helps me share how I’m feeling. Usually, I try to put on my strong face for everyone but today I’m going to share some of my raw and true feelings. If you can’t handle them or don’t like them… fuck you at this point.


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Struggling physically,
Struggling mentally, and
Struggling spiritually.
There’s too much going on
So many emotions
Too much to process at once…
I just need a break
Time to reverse and let me repeat
My past mistakes
But a sabbatical is not possible
No fun vacation insight
I’m trapped here inside this prison…
Without much delight
I just get to watch as everyone gets to do the things I crave so bad
Walk, run, or even sit down correctly
Hold their lovers hand…
Do normal everyday things
And I’m here on the sidelines
Watching…
Longing for what they have and don’t realize
Crying inside because I can’t anymore
I put on a smile for everyone to see but
Can no one see that it’s killing me?
I worked my ass off for what independence I did have
Now that very independence has been taken from me
I feel so isolated but this is a battle I must face alone
No one can help me
There’s no saving grace
Just me and Jesus Christ