I have been so busy lately that I've pushed the feelings that I haven't dealt with about my mom's death down so I could focus on what was going on. Now that I'm starting to slow down those feelings are starting to come back to the surface.
I have to find a way to deal with these feelings or this is going to drive me crazy. I guess the manner of death is my main issue because she felt that taking your own life is murdering yourself so it wasn't a good thing. I don't know why I'm starting to feel these feelings or really what I'm feeling. I'm just not happy I guess. I honestly don't know..
Why can't I just move on?!? I don't understand. I want to be happy and around everyone else I am happy or pretend to be but when I'm alone I start getting sad, lost, lonely, depressed and I don't know what to do about it.

So today I still was not able to get to my blog about the standing wheelchair that I demonstrated at therapy Monday. I'll give you all the basics here. Basically I am a candidate for the chair but before we go further we are going to let my Botox injections kick in to my system. The way my right foot wants to rotate inwards and stand on my actual ankle could end up hurting me. We are hoping that the Botox will help my tendons release enough for my foot to sit right. I go for Botox on August 31 and the guy will be back to demonstrate the chair again September 5. We shall see!
Today we went to the circus (where I got way to hot) and had a blast! Here's some pictures of Brantyn riding! There's a video on my Facebook of the ball of iron and the dirt bike riders.

So as many of you know that I have had some serious issues with my 2013 Permobil C400 wheelchair the last seven months. If it hasn't been one thing it's been another; from motors to brakes going out on me. I've been wanting the standing wheelchair that Permobil offers since it came out and I may actually be getting closer to getting one.
Medicare will only pay for a new wheelchair every five years normally. Of course my chair is only three years old so I figured that the Medicare program would reject my request for a new one. I'm using the wording of my wheelchair was purchased by my father's private insurance so Medicare has never actually bought me one. I do know that Medicare will only pay 80% of the chair if i can get them to approve one. I also know that Medicare won't pay for the standing portion of the chair which is $10,000. So I know I'll owe at least that and the other 20% that Medicare doesn't cover.
I will be trying to raise these funds once I find out a final price on the chair. Monday there is a demo chair coming to my physical therapy for me to try out. I'm very excited about it and I promise there will be pictures of me in it!

So I know that I've been slacking lately about blogging and to all of my readers I'm sorry. I hope to get back into the routine of writing down my thoughts when I feel them so that I can share them. There's been a lot of stuff happening in my world. We have a beautiful little girl growing up before our eyes, my tilt function is broken, I've had other family members pass away, I have been to my driving evaluation, I have been talking with someone that could lead to a beautiful relationship, our new van drama, getting sugar gliders neutered, and doing my training with the Christopher Reeves Foundation. I will also be welcoming a beautiful female to breed with Winston.