So I have been thinking a lot lately about who I am and what I want other people see me as. It's been a difficult passed five months with everything I have been through and I can see some things about myself I want to change. So I need to make the effort to change them instead of just thinking about them forever. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but sometimes you have to feel beautiful to show others that you're beautiful. Do you think of your own self as beautiful? I have to start in the beginning in order for everyone to know what I'm talking about so here it is: As most of you know that I was paralyzed when I was only 14, I was only a child that thought she knew everything. I had not been able to drive prior or had the freedom of my teen years like many others get to do. I was to busy trying to get movement back in my arms and legs and focusing on my grades in school. The classmates that watched me go from a normal person to someone needing someone to do everything for them wouldn't really interact with me anymore. I don't blame them, what do you say to someone that lost everything? So I only had my two or three friends that would still speak to me. I turned to the Internet to become what I was before my accident. I started using my computer to write out the adventures that I could no longer do because of the injury.
The Internet freed me from the restraints of my broken body and for a while it was okay. As time went by I started to have feelings for a man that was a good amount of years older than me and when my mom found out his real age she freaked. Now that I'm older I see why she freaked out and how stupid I was to fall for him. I ended the relationship with the best guy I've ever been with to be with someone that was all talk and no action. I regret that decision to this very day but there's nothing I can do about it now. I felt heartbroken when I was forced to bring that Illegal relationship to an end. Again instead a of facing my mom with my feelings I turned to the Internet. It once more led to a illegal relationship and like before I had to bring that relationship to an end too. This time it was very different because I was actually physically in love with him and he was in love with me. He wanted to move me up with him when I turned eighteen. Somewhere in the mix we drifted apart and I seen the relationship was over, whether or not I wanted it to be or not.
My mom was always there for me for every second of the day. I'm grateful for that time with her now but then I felt like I was being smothered because I'm paralyzed. Why can't I do normal things that my friends are doing? Dating, get drives license, getting cars, and even getting job. Why should I be so sheltered because of my injury? I'm still the person that I was before my accident with all the same desires and dreams. I didn't understand it.
Most of my readers know that my momma passed away in January after shooting herself to escape a mental illness. Now that my mom is gone I feel free to grow into this person that I should have been able to mold myself into throughout my teen years. I guess you could say I'm going through my wild and rebellious stage now. I want to find out who I want to be now that I'm able to spread my wings and fly. Is that so wrong? I now have freedom and I want to be able to be that person I missed out on in my teenage years. I'm now I'm an actual adult that has responsibilities, struggles, bills to pay, and do everything for myself.
I have a general idea of what I want to be and how to get there but the other paths are very tempting to me. I know I should stay away from them and stay on the path to become that person. This earthly body has many temptations that are hard to ignore. In order for me to be the person I want to be it will take a lot of hard work. I guess it's a good place to start if I start now. So I have a plan that I want to stick too.
The Internet freed me from the restraints of my broken body and for a while it was okay. As time went by I started to have feelings for a man that was a good amount of years older than me and when my mom found out his real age she freaked. Now that I'm older I see why she freaked out and how stupid I was to fall for him. I ended the relationship with the best guy I've ever been with to be with someone that was all talk and no action. I regret that decision to this very day but there's nothing I can do about it now. I felt heartbroken when I was forced to bring that Illegal relationship to an end. Again instead a of facing my mom with my feelings I turned to the Internet. It once more led to a illegal relationship and like before I had to bring that relationship to an end too. This time it was very different because I was actually physically in love with him and he was in love with me. He wanted to move me up with him when I turned eighteen. Somewhere in the mix we drifted apart and I seen the relationship was over, whether or not I wanted it to be or not.
My mom was always there for me for every second of the day. I'm grateful for that time with her now but then I felt like I was being smothered because I'm paralyzed. Why can't I do normal things that my friends are doing? Dating, get drives license, getting cars, and even getting job. Why should I be so sheltered because of my injury? I'm still the person that I was before my accident with all the same desires and dreams. I didn't understand it.
Most of my readers know that my momma passed away in January after shooting herself to escape a mental illness. Now that my mom is gone I feel free to grow into this person that I should have been able to mold myself into throughout my teen years. I guess you could say I'm going through my wild and rebellious stage now. I want to find out who I want to be now that I'm able to spread my wings and fly. Is that so wrong? I now have freedom and I want to be able to be that person I missed out on in my teenage years. I'm now I'm an actual adult that has responsibilities, struggles, bills to pay, and do everything for myself.
I have a general idea of what I want to be and how to get there but the other paths are very tempting to me. I know I should stay away from them and stay on the path to become that person. This earthly body has many temptations that are hard to ignore. In order for me to be the person I want to be it will take a lot of hard work. I guess it's a good place to start if I start now. So I have a plan that I want to stick too.
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