April Otwell
  • Home
  • My Story
  • Life After A SCI
  • Media
  • Contact

Once more with feeling

3/27/2016

0 Comments

 
Sometimes I just don't understand why I have these feelings; feelings of depression, abandonment, loneliness, fear, and most of all regret. I am proud of where I have come in these seven years and proud of the person I have become. So why do these feelings bubble to the surface?

Depression:
I am not the kind of person that shares my feelings out loud or in person. I try to shove all of my feelings as deep down inside me as I can. I don't know why but that's what I do. There's so much going on now that's becoming overwhelming for me to handle now that my momma is gone. I'm stressed out to the max but in person you could never tell, I hide my feelings very well. In some ways that's a good thing but in others it's a bad th. I guess it depends on who you talk too. With everything piling up on top of each other the pile is about to overflow. It's wearing me down and dragging me down with it.

Abandonment
I know that my mom was not the one who decided to take her own life, it was the illness and the voices in her head telling her that she had no other choice. There are still times that I feel like she abandoned me. Yes, I know that without the illness she would never have done what she did but I still feel this way. I guess I just don't understand how she could leave me alone here. In her mind she thought that was the best option but still I don't understand why?

Loneliness
I may be surrounded by all of my family but there are still times that I feel so alone. I miss my mom so much. I could talk to her or not say a word and know that she loved me. She still does just not the way I want her too.

Regret
I have so many things that I wish I could have told my mom before she passed away. Now I'll never get to tell her. The last conversation that we had was a argument and I will never get to say that I'm sorry or hear her say she loves me. I have so much regret built up inside me that it's over flowing...
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Picture
    Paralyzed from the neck down after an ATV rollover at 14, April Otwell is beating the odds the doctors gave her. She's a blogger, fantasy writer, college student, sugar glider guardian and spinal cord injury survivor.  She's even writing her first fiction novel!

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    September 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015

    RSS Feed

    CONTACT

    Email: hopeful.thinking123@yahoo.com

Services

Guest Blogger
​Inspirational Speaker
Modeling 
Youtube Collaboration
​Other

Peer Mentor

Donate

© COPYRIGHT 2015-2020. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.