April Otwell
  • Home
  • My Story
  • Life After A SCI
  • Media
  • Contact

Know Thy Limits

11/19/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
I want to get real with you guys. The last few months I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression pretty hard. I’m usually a very positive person but this has me in a dark place and I don’t like it. I’m hoping I can help sort through these feelings by writing everything down. I don’t want to take medication for it because I could become dependent on it and I definitely don’t want that. If I cannot do this on my own I will have to see a doctor. I know my limits. I have honestly reached those limits and I see my doctor tomorrow to be able to talk to him about everything plus a few more things.
These are the reasons that I’m depressed:

I have cabin fever. Right now I’m stuck in a 24x12 space with all of my animals, a mini fridge, a tv, a dresser, a jewelry box and a desk. There’s a few other things in the building but it’s too hard to write everything. I have so many plans that I want to do but I’m stuck because I don’t have room for any of them. I need more space to grow basically. I feel like I’m suffocating in this small space.

I have no friends to hang out with so I’m extremely lonely. I’m stuck at home alone all the time. I have Jessa and Kelly but honestly I can’t take the kids screaming and stuff all at once. I can handle one or two of them but when you throw all four of them into the mix I can’t handle it. I have an anxiety attack every time. I feel like the walls are closing in around me and that I can’t breathe.

These are the reasons I’m stressed and anxious:

I have anywhere from $8,000 to $10,000 worth of medical bills that need to be paid but I’m on disability and can’t sustain my monthly bills with paying my medical bills. I’ve looked into a personal loan but with my 589 credit score I can’t get approved alone. I don’t want to ask anyone else to sign with me. My credit is so low because of past medical bills on my credit report.

I have a triple wide trailer about six or seven miles from Jessica’s house that my dad bought me. It’s mine. He’s currently living in it so that he can build himself a house on the river. I love the trailer, yes it needs some modifications so I can live there alone but overall it great. There’s just one downfall. It’s in Belah and away from everyone I’m close too. Here in Trout I have Mike, Pam, Little Mike, Jessica, Derek, Kelly (when’s she’s down), the kids, and Hailey. If I get into a bind I have someone within a few hundred feet who could come help me. If I move out there I’m going to be all by myself. Yeah it’s only a few miles but it makes a difference.

I have been trying to learn how to drive. My insurance doesn’t cover the cost. I just received my quote of how much my training is going to be and I’m looking at $9,500 just for training! Driving is one step to being independent if I have to move to Belah. I wouldn’t be stuck at home all the time. I have a Go Fund Me for my driving if you’d like to donate to it or my PayPal. There’s a donation button on my home page and the link to my GFM is https://www.gofundme.com/empower-sci?pc=ot_co_dashboard_a&rcid=c8258761f67c45c0a55db8bedcf42075

I’m trying to go to college to help me make a career so I can make more money for my future but of course that requires a lot of money. I have applied for FASFA and I qualify as a dependent student since I’m twenty three. Soooo I’m having to push back my studies until July 2019 so I’m considered a independent student and can get the max grants.

Some other things bothering me is:

I need to attend therapy for my health but my healthcare doesn’t cover all the cost so I was paying $60 a week! I can’t afford that!

I need Botox injections but they are about $700 every twelve weeks after insurance payments. Again I can’t afford that!

I don’t qualify for Medicaid because of my disability but my disability isn’t enough to live on by itself.

I have some other things bothering me but I won’t air my dirty laundry out for everyone. The point is everything is just becoming very overwhelming for me and I’m trying to sort it out. I have lost my motivation to do just about everything besides take care of my animals. It’s depressing upon itself. I need some prayers for clarity.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Picture
    Paralyzed from the neck down after an ATV rollover at 14, April Otwell is beating the odds the doctors gave her. She's a blogger, fantasy writer, college student, sugar glider guardian and spinal cord injury survivor.  She's even writing her first fiction novel!

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    September 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015

    RSS Feed

    CONTACT

    Email: hopeful.thinking123@yahoo.com

Services

Guest Blogger
​Inspirational Speaker
Modeling 
Youtube Collaboration
​Other

Peer Mentor

Donate

© COPYRIGHT 2015-2020. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.