Today was okay I guess if you want to call it that. I went to Big Daddy's wake at the church tonight and I couldn't make myself go up to the casket. I could see him unlike momma without actually going up to it. It was just too hard. I got to see a lot of people but most of them I don't have a clue who they were. So I just smiled and said hello. I had a good time don't get me wrong but it brought up too many memories from my moms funeral.
We went by the cemetery today before going on to the wake, which it looked okay as far as looks go. I just couldn't really think about momma being in the grave itself but it was as I expected it. I don't want to go back until I'm ready to face the fact that she's gone.
I got to wear boots for the first time in a long time which made me feel like a normal person in a wheelchair. Normally I feel like some weird thing that needs protection or something. I hate that so much. I'm a normal person just need the wheelchair to get around and a little help sometime. I wonder what people did if I just stopped doing anything for myself. I want to be seen as a normal adult just like everyone else is seen at my age. Grr how that pissed me off and still does.
We went by the cemetery today before going on to the wake, which it looked okay as far as looks go. I just couldn't really think about momma being in the grave itself but it was as I expected it. I don't want to go back until I'm ready to face the fact that she's gone.
I got to wear boots for the first time in a long time which made me feel like a normal person in a wheelchair. Normally I feel like some weird thing that needs protection or something. I hate that so much. I'm a normal person just need the wheelchair to get around and a little help sometime. I wonder what people did if I just stopped doing anything for myself. I want to be seen as a normal adult just like everyone else is seen at my age. Grr how that pissed me off and still does.
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