This day is the worst day of my life, this day changes everything. This morning around six my mom shot herself in the back of the head and passed away from the injury. I lost her to a mental illness that made her question everything and everyone in our lives. I love her so much and it is going to be hard to be without her. I know she's in a better place where the illness cannot hurt her anymore. She was transported to the hospital by ambulance but did not survive much after arriving. She was in a bad mental state at the time of her death and the woman I've been seeing the last couple of months is not the mom I grew up with. I could not see the signs that could have saved her life until it was too late and for that I will always wonder.
I don't know that it is not my fault, no matter what I cannot blame myself. She was sick but did not feel that she could ask for help. My mom did not kill herself but the disease killed her. Today has been so very hard and the next few months will be just as hard. I'm trying to be strong for my mom like she would want but I'm not doing a good job. Mostly I try to keep busy so I don't have time to think about her. Of course I'm still in shock and will need time to let it sink in.
I don't know that it is not my fault, no matter what I cannot blame myself. She was sick but did not feel that she could ask for help. My mom did not kill herself but the disease killed her. Today has been so very hard and the next few months will be just as hard. I'm trying to be strong for my mom like she would want but I'm not doing a good job. Mostly I try to keep busy so I don't have time to think about her. Of course I'm still in shock and will need time to let it sink in.
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