So I don't think you can call what happened the other night a date but I hung out with a guy friend that I went to school with before my wreck. We have texted each other for many months and something has always came up and we couldn't hang out. We flirt and talk about many things. I feel like I can truly talk to him about anything over text message. Yeah I hide behind my cell phone when I know that he could be at my house in a matter for minutes.
He has been there for me since my mom passed away and has helped me express my feelings. He's so sweet and caring. He could have any girl that he wanted but he chose me. So when he came over to my building to hangout with me I became very nervous and just couldn't help but notice the insecurities that's been here all the time. So here's where I face these insecurities:
I am shy in front of people that I'm not use to being around.
I don't feel like I'm attractive enough for someone.
I feel like this wheelchair makes me ugly
The scars that have come from this accident are keeping me unattractive.
The accident has distorted my body to where no one could be attracted to me.
I'm twenty one years old but have never been with a guy before.
When he came over he kissed me and I mean really kissed me. It was amazing and he's an amazing kisser. There was tongue and it made me blush pretty bad. I didn't want to stop but when he pulled away I bit down on my lower lip. I was all giddy on the inside.
After I made things so awkward that you could have cut it with a knife. I couldn't look at him in the eyes or anything. We sat there in silence until he had to leave because he had to get up early for work the next morning. There was no kiss good night just left. I think I've changed our friendship and I don't want too. I'd love to become more than just friends with him but I'm scared that it'll somehow mess up everything that we have already become.
He calls me beautiful and cute all the time and I don't know but I don't think of myself as beautiful. I find every little detail that makes myself see myself as flawed. Acne at 21, curvy figure, wheelchair, my trache scar, my small boobs, my drop foot, my hip distortion, the fact that I can't do anything for myself, I'm never alone, I don't have control of my body functions, I can't feel pleasure when stimulated, I can't drive, I have to have my caregiver most of the time, I can't be spontaneous, I've never been kissed with tongue, I'm a virgin, and the list could keep going on. There's just way too many to actually list.
What are some of your insecurities?
He has been there for me since my mom passed away and has helped me express my feelings. He's so sweet and caring. He could have any girl that he wanted but he chose me. So when he came over to my building to hangout with me I became very nervous and just couldn't help but notice the insecurities that's been here all the time. So here's where I face these insecurities:
I am shy in front of people that I'm not use to being around.
I don't feel like I'm attractive enough for someone.
I feel like this wheelchair makes me ugly
The scars that have come from this accident are keeping me unattractive.
The accident has distorted my body to where no one could be attracted to me.
I'm twenty one years old but have never been with a guy before.
When he came over he kissed me and I mean really kissed me. It was amazing and he's an amazing kisser. There was tongue and it made me blush pretty bad. I didn't want to stop but when he pulled away I bit down on my lower lip. I was all giddy on the inside.
After I made things so awkward that you could have cut it with a knife. I couldn't look at him in the eyes or anything. We sat there in silence until he had to leave because he had to get up early for work the next morning. There was no kiss good night just left. I think I've changed our friendship and I don't want too. I'd love to become more than just friends with him but I'm scared that it'll somehow mess up everything that we have already become.
He calls me beautiful and cute all the time and I don't know but I don't think of myself as beautiful. I find every little detail that makes myself see myself as flawed. Acne at 21, curvy figure, wheelchair, my trache scar, my small boobs, my drop foot, my hip distortion, the fact that I can't do anything for myself, I'm never alone, I don't have control of my body functions, I can't feel pleasure when stimulated, I can't drive, I have to have my caregiver most of the time, I can't be spontaneous, I've never been kissed with tongue, I'm a virgin, and the list could keep going on. There's just way too many to actually list.
What are some of your insecurities?
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