I cannot sleep so I guess I'll write a blog.
I have always wanted to have a little girl but I knew I was just to young to have a baby. The accident has made me grow up faster than a normal teenager and if you've been where I'm at you know that for yourself. The was only fourteen when my ATV rollover left me paralyzed from the neck down. I was just a child. I was forced to grow up quickly to deal with everything happening to me. At first I had nurses coming in at all hours of the night, every four hours, messing with me. I hardly ever got any sleep and that kept happening for almost three years after the accident. I feel like I'm twenty four or five but I'm really twenty. I've been feeling really jealous that everyone I know has been having babies and it's making me want one. I have nothing to offer a child but love and I don't want to feel that way when I have a baby so I'm trying to keep that in thought during this difficult time. I've tried to make a checklist of the things I'd like to do before I decide to bring another baby into the world.
I've been following Rachelle Friedman since her accident happened a year after mine and when she said that the medication she takes would make getting pregnant too dangerous it got me to thinking. I know that the pregnancy is something that a doctor needs to help decide if it's a good idea but if I hear 'no' I just don't know what I'd do. I know that adoption is out of the question because who would let a girl that's dependent on someone else adopt a baby? No one would. The cost of surrogacy is way to high for me unless someone I know steps forward like in Rachelle's case but all I can do is hope. I take a lot of medication that most likely she takes too. I would love to get in touch with Rachelle but no matter how hard I try I just cannot get a reply. If you are reading this please go to her facebook or Twitter and help me get in touch!