Alone..

As I sit here alone in my building listening to the sounds of my sugar gliders I think back to what life was like this time last year.. I don't want to go into any details but it was hell. I didn't know back then that my mom was in battle.. not one that she could win. My mom was sick and the only way she knew it would get better for me was to take her own life. She couldn't see any other choice and I know that it was the hardest choice she had to make for me. I know many people think that it was selfish or something but she was the least selfish person I have ever known. She gave up her whole life to take care of me when my accident happened. She could have just put me in the nursing home like many people with my injury and gone about her life but she didn't. I can only imagine the struggle that she dealt with the days before the end but she done what she thought was best for me.
I sit here and I still can't remember what her voice sounded like or what she smelled like or anything besides what I saw laying in the casket. I know that her body was starting to decompose when I last saw it but it's still the only thing I can see when I think of her no matter how many pictures I look at. I know that eventually I will remember all of these things and more. I can remember the good memories over the bad, like when we spent Christmas in Disney World. We had so much fun and enjoyed the warm weather in December! We laughed and it was the bed Christmas of my life.
This Christmas will be so hard because it's going to be the first one without her...