My mother took her own life on this day three years ago. She was a paranoid schizophrenic who could no longer trust the most important person in her life, me. She wasn’t always this way; she was once a vibrant, beautiful, colorful woman who had the whole entire world in front of her. It wasn’t until a disease started taking its nasty hold on her mind. It turned this smiling woman into a person who could no longer trust anyone, or anything she touched.
It’s truly a long story on how my mother’s disease started appearing and even if I told you, you’d believe it’s fictitious anyway. Let’s just say she found out one of the people she trusted most lied to her and she found out about it. This wasn’t a small lie but a huge one. She then started having things come up missing in our home while we were not there, bugs on our telephone line, and even computers being hacked. This led to the downfall of my mom.
Looking back I should have seen the signs of her downfall and made her get help. She stopped eating, wouldn’t leave me in a room alone, didn’t trust me, we would leave the house for house and just sit on the side of the road, she wanted to leave our home and not take any of our belongings with us, and so much more. The mood swings were the worse honestly, one minute she’d be happy then on a dime she would be hateful. I could say something that wouldn’t even be aggressive but she would turn on me in an instant. I learned to keep my mouth shut. The saddest part was if I tried to get her help she probably would have disowned me. Then again I’d rather be disowned and her still be here then for her to be gone.
On this day I don’t mourn her loss, I simply celebrate her life. I watch her favorite movies, listen to her favorite music, and have her favorite meal for dinner. It’s much like what I do on her birthday but I get to do this twice a year. I love to remember the good times even though the bad too. I had the best mom in the world and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’d change a few things but over all I loved my time with her. I only wish I could have had more time with her.
If you notice someone who’s experiencing any of the signs of having any kind of mental health issues whether it be depression, paranoia, or anxiety please contact someone who can help. You never know when it could save their lives. For my mom there were no warning signs that she was going to take her own life but it happened. The mental health hotline number is 1 (866) 294-1475