I'm so angry, not only at myself for not seeing the signs but also at you for taking her from me. I know you heard me crying and begging you not to take my momma from me but yet you took her anyway. I know that she's in heaven with you and everyone else that's passed on from this world. I'm still a little girl that needs her momma here to hold me tight while saying everything would be alright. I don't know what was going through her mind when she decided to end her own life but for my own sake I think she thought this would be the best for both of us.
I know that with time I'll be okay but I miss her so much that it hurts. I don't know how to go on without her. You tell us in your word that you don't put on us more than you can handle. Lord, my shoulders are getting heavy on me. First my accident that left me paralyzed from the neck down and ventilator dependent, now loosing the one person that was my rock and my world. I need some relief somewhere. Lord please help me.
As I prepare to go back into the environment where my mom and I lived and her not being there will be torturous. I will be surrounded by sights, sounds, and feelings that I've tried to bury so I don't fall to pieces. I don't have the strength to pick myself back up. I am afraid to let these emotions and feelings out because I don't know how to pick myself back up. I need you to take these feelings away, God, help me have peace that she's happy. I know I will see her again but she's going to miss so much of my life now. When I get married, have kids, my birthday, Christmas's, and any other happy day will also be one of sorrow. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of holding all this weight on my shoulders. I need help.