As I sit here alone in my building listening to the sounds of my sugar gliders I think back to what life was like this time last year.. I don't want to go into any details but it was hell. I didn't know back then that my mom was in battle.. not one that she could win. My mom was sick and the only way she knew it would get better for me was to take her own life. She couldn't see any other choice and I know that it was the hardest choice she had to make for me. I know many people think that it was selfish or something but she was the least selfish person I have ever known. She gave up her whole life to take care of me when my accident happened. She could have just put me in the nursing home like many people with my injury and gone about her life but she didn't. I can only imagine the struggle that she dealt with the days before the end but she done what she thought was best for me.
I sit here and I still can't remember what her voice sounded like or what she smelled like or anything besides what I saw laying in the casket. I know that her body was starting to decompose when I last saw it but it's still the only thing I can see when I think of her no matter how many pictures I look at. I know that eventually I will remember all of these things and more. I can remember the good memories over the bad, like when we spent Christmas in Disney World. We had so much fun and enjoyed the warm weather in December! We laughed and it was the bed Christmas of my life.
This Christmas will be so hard because it's going to be the first one without her...
It's been a crazy week since getting back from my consultation with the neurologist that will be doing my baclofen pump trial and the surgery for the baclofen pump. On our way home we started having transmission trouble with our new van and it had to be taken to the Toyota place to be fixed. We were without a van for a week! So I've been stuck at home for a week. In some ways it was awesome but it was also exhausting so I have been sleeping in my apartment alone. I've loved it! I don't have to freeze my butt off, and I can do things I have been wanting to do but don't have time for once I'm finished with cleaning. I've scanned all the papers I have found so far, scanned some of Momma's pictures, played with my babies, and stayed up late. (One night not sleeping at all.)
I've also had a tooth ache for about a week! It just won't go away. I clinch my teeth hard for unknown reasons but it's a habit of mine. I have called every one of dentists in Alexandria and no one can see me. I guess I'm going to have to call further away to find someone who can take me
Paralyzed from the neck down after an ATV rollover at 14, April Otwell is beating the odds the doctors gave her. She's a blogger, fantasy writer, college student, sugar glider guardian and spinal cord injury survivor. She's even writing her first fiction novel!